Chapter 42
"You will never grow if you have to mourn every leaf that falls."
_________
It had been three months since he was livings the days of his dreams, the dream which once was broken but the same broken pieces joined together to find a new way towards his dream and which was only possible by the will of Allah. Nobody said that this life would be easy but enduring the hardships with sabr and shukr surely makes it easy. "Assalamu Alaikum." he greeted as his mother in law opened the door. "Walaikum Assalam son." said the mother as he stepped into the house. "Rida did not inform me that you are coming." "Yes khala, actually I didn't inform her. My phone has gone for repair and so I am unable to contact her since few days and I was caught up with something so I couldn't come." informed Abdullah. "Ohh anyways she's in her room." said she and went away indicating Abdullah to climb up to her room.Abdullah knocked the door slightly and when he got no repsonse, he opened the door and walked in. He was quick to realise that she was fast asleep with a book, kept on her chest which indicated that she was trying to study but sleep overpowered her. He picked up the book and closed it keeping on the desk beside the bed. He smiled looking at her as she looked cute with messed up hair and a slightly opened mouth. He lightly pecked her forehead and sat back fondly looking at her constantly. She slightly twitched after his kiss and said something in her sleep. "Rehan, please don't leave me." her dream often came back with the horrors of past but the latter part had hopes of happiness which made her content every time she woke up. "Rida." there was a knock on the door by her mother before Abdullah could response. "Yes aunty." replied Abdullah as she came in. "Rida is asleep? Why didn't you wake her up?" said the mother. "No it's okay. I can wait for her to wake up. I have enough time today to spend it with her.""Your uncle has called me and he wants the legal papers of the house actually and Rida has the authority to keep all the papers. Please do me a favour, check her cupboard, all the files and and papers would be at one place. I am coming in a while from the kitchen." said she before running away from the room, giving no other details of the prescribed paper.Since it felt quite urgent, Abdullah opened her cupboard and started to struggle through it. He found nothing of similar kind except a box which could have all the files and papers. He opened it as fast as he could and found some random old papers and a small jewellery box in it. He picked one of the paper and opened it."You are beautiful the way you are." he mumbled while reading it and before he could pick up another one, he was interrupted."What are you doing?" Rida asked in a hoarse voice as she is woke up finding Abdullah in front of her and reading the notes of her ex husband. "I've asked him to search for papers, your dad is asking for the legal papers of the house." said the mother as she came in with a spatula in her hand."Ohh it is in that drawer." said she as she stood up from her place and searched for the right one to hand over it to her mother. "When you go along with Abdullah, please give these authorities to your Abba. I cannot handle these stuffs. Uff." she said while going out of the room and closing the door behind, leaving them in an awkward silence."I didn't mean to hide anything from you but you never did show interest to know my past and so I didn't bother to bring it up." Rida said sitting back at her place and tying a bun of her messy hair."I am neither asking about it now. It doesn't matter me. One is not obliged to narrate the past incidences to their spouse. Only present matters to me along with your happiness." Abdullah answered. Rida did not tell him her past as it was clear enough to him, as for how Rehan and she got married did not matter in the present. The thought that she will have to live through the story again by narrating it to Abdullah, made her nervous but she was lucky to have a spouse who was understanding enough to not scratch her old wounds. "I just want to ask one question." Abdullah said. "Yes?" she said whilst biting her lower lip. "If it's the past then what is it doing in the present? I mean why do you still have these things?" Abdullah interrogated while keeping the box back to the place where it belonged. "Umm I am sorry that you've to ask this question to me." she said and before Abdullah returned she kept her hands on her forehead, closing her eyes along with it. "I am just tired of me. No matter how much I try I tend to get back to the memories of my past. Those letters were given by Rehan to me during our childhood as well as teenage, and even though it's not so hard to forget just an unfortunate knot with him, I am unable to remit those memories of childhood because I've lived them for years, I've dreamt about them for years. I know I should have thrown them a long before but trust me something is eating me up. I am among those people who cannot easily forget the people we loved and sometimes this trait is more toxic than the boon. This is the reason why I am not shifting with you, this is the reason why I wasn't marrying you. I don't want to hurt you, I don't want the people around me to be sad because of me especially you, since you are my priority now." said Rida without having an eye contact with him and he pulled her into a warm hug. _________Abdullah had given all his effort to this relation but to his dismay he failed to take her out of the past and make her love him like he love her. She still takes his name in her sleep. She still keeps his memories. Does she still love him? But this is not the first time he was disappointed with her, in these three months, a lot has happened and now he felt like, he cannot change her, he cannot make her love him. He closed his eyes to go into a dreadful past. "I'll come by myself, don't worry." she texted. "Are you sure? I would have come to take you but got some work to wind up urgently tomorrow. Let's cancel it. May be sometime later." he texted back. "Noooooo, if you won't see me then your day wouldn't be good enough. *According to you* Don't blame me later." she replied. "Ahan so someone wants to meet me. Then see you tomorrow love."The next day he reached the appointed destination but she didn't come on time. An hour went by and Abdullah tried several times to call her but she didn't pick up the call. At last he dialled the home number and her mother in law picked up the call. "Assalamu Alaikum.""Walaikum assalam. So you want more of her time. I am guessing right. Hmm okay but don't take too long." she said and Abdullah said a small 'yes' before ending the call. He was scared of loosing her and he had no other option but to find her on the road between the restaurant and her home. Someone informed him about a niqabi's turbulent accident and he trembled over it until he found out that it wasn't Rida but finding out this was a bad news more than a good one. After being scared to death, he came back to her house and sat on the doorstep debating how to confront her in laws. They had given him her hand so that he protects her but he failed to do so. Before he could go into her house, she entered the house riding her scooter."Rida are you okay?" he hastly came forward to ask."I am fine. You weren't in the restaurant so I came back. I called you but your mobile was switched off." and with that he pulled out his phone to discover that it's battery was dead."I waited for you an hour, where were you? I had called you several times and you didn't pick up. Do you have any idea how scared I was?""Ohh I am so sorry. As I came out of the house, Sidra called me for the first time after our nikah as she was mad at me. So she asked me for a help and I couldn't deny.""You could have pinged me Rida.""I was so overwhelmed by her call that I forgot. I am sorry.""You forgot that we had a date and I was waiting for you since an hour?"Rida was trying her best but now Abdullah had realised that these small little things were enough as an open witness that Rida didn't accept him. He may have written his name beside her but he failed to write his name in her heart."Enjoying alone?" Ayesha interrupted his thoughts while he was sitting in the garden on the swing behind the house."When did you come?""Well, Assalamu Alaikum.""Walaikum Assalam.""I came an hour before and you are here since an hour alone doing nothing. I thought you were busy with your misses so I didn't disturb." said Ayesha while sitting beside him."No my cellphone is on repair.""So how are you living without talking to her.""Just as normal people live. Duh." he said with a forced smile."Is everything fine between you two?" she asked in concern."I don't know." Abdullah answered. "Did you tell her about your new job? Is it because of it?" "Nope I didn't.""Why? When did you last meet her?" she asked."A day before.""Then why didn't you tell her?" she emphasised."Appi. I don't know what to say right now. No matter how much I try, I am unable to get the love I want from her. I went that day to tell her but I couldn't.""Do you think I was joking when I said that this will not be easy?" Ayesha said folding her hands."I am not regretting marrying her appi and if you want to talk about it that I did a mistake by marrying her then I am not even talking about this anymore to you." he said while taking a leave from the swing but Ayesha made him sit forcefully."Niether am I regretting it. I just want to remind you what I already told you, that this marriage wouldn't be easy. Not that second marriages are all like that but yours is the exception. So I just want to make sure that you remember the words you said to me when I opposed your marriage and stay actively consistent on it and make sure that you do things that will make your relationship better.""So what do I do?""Heal her before you love her. May be many relationships end because people are trying to date without healing themselves. It's not like you did a mistake by marrying her but before you want her to love you back help her in this healing process." Ayesha said."Hmm you're right, she hasn't yet healed from her past but what should I...." said Abdullah before he took a pause "Can I get your phone?""Yeah." she said handing over it to him immediately and standing up to leave."Abdullah." she said taking a few steps further and then turning her face backwards. "Hmm." he said while dialling a number."I love you and I love her as well, I want to see both of you happy. Take your step and don't worry, you two are always in my Duas." she said and Abdullah gave a heart warming smile to her before she exited from his sight.He dialled the number before speaking "Hey. Hi. Assalamu Alaikum. It's me.""Walaikum Assalam. Who?""Urgh. Abdullah.""Yeah say.""I want you to speak to her please." Abdullah pleaded."I can't Abdullah. It's so hard for me.""I know it is and it is niether easy for her. But it's high time we need to do this. I wouldn't ask you for this if it wasn't so important. Please?"
_________
It had been three months since he was livings the days of his dreams, the dream which once was broken but the same broken pieces joined together to find a new way towards his dream and which was only possible by the will of Allah. Nobody said that this life would be easy but enduring the hardships with sabr and shukr surely makes it easy. "Assalamu Alaikum." he greeted as his mother in law opened the door. "Walaikum Assalam son." said the mother as he stepped into the house. "Rida did not inform me that you are coming." "Yes khala, actually I didn't inform her. My phone has gone for repair and so I am unable to contact her since few days and I was caught up with something so I couldn't come." informed Abdullah. "Ohh anyways she's in her room." said she and went away indicating Abdullah to climb up to her room.Abdullah knocked the door slightly and when he got no repsonse, he opened the door and walked in. He was quick to realise that she was fast asleep with a book, kept on her chest which indicated that she was trying to study but sleep overpowered her. He picked up the book and closed it keeping on the desk beside the bed. He smiled looking at her as she looked cute with messed up hair and a slightly opened mouth. He lightly pecked her forehead and sat back fondly looking at her constantly. She slightly twitched after his kiss and said something in her sleep. "Rehan, please don't leave me." her dream often came back with the horrors of past but the latter part had hopes of happiness which made her content every time she woke up. "Rida." there was a knock on the door by her mother before Abdullah could response. "Yes aunty." replied Abdullah as she came in. "Rida is asleep? Why didn't you wake her up?" said the mother. "No it's okay. I can wait for her to wake up. I have enough time today to spend it with her.""Your uncle has called me and he wants the legal papers of the house actually and Rida has the authority to keep all the papers. Please do me a favour, check her cupboard, all the files and and papers would be at one place. I am coming in a while from the kitchen." said she before running away from the room, giving no other details of the prescribed paper.Since it felt quite urgent, Abdullah opened her cupboard and started to struggle through it. He found nothing of similar kind except a box which could have all the files and papers. He opened it as fast as he could and found some random old papers and a small jewellery box in it. He picked one of the paper and opened it."You are beautiful the way you are." he mumbled while reading it and before he could pick up another one, he was interrupted."What are you doing?" Rida asked in a hoarse voice as she is woke up finding Abdullah in front of her and reading the notes of her ex husband. "I've asked him to search for papers, your dad is asking for the legal papers of the house." said the mother as she came in with a spatula in her hand."Ohh it is in that drawer." said she as she stood up from her place and searched for the right one to hand over it to her mother. "When you go along with Abdullah, please give these authorities to your Abba. I cannot handle these stuffs. Uff." she said while going out of the room and closing the door behind, leaving them in an awkward silence."I didn't mean to hide anything from you but you never did show interest to know my past and so I didn't bother to bring it up." Rida said sitting back at her place and tying a bun of her messy hair."I am neither asking about it now. It doesn't matter me. One is not obliged to narrate the past incidences to their spouse. Only present matters to me along with your happiness." Abdullah answered. Rida did not tell him her past as it was clear enough to him, as for how Rehan and she got married did not matter in the present. The thought that she will have to live through the story again by narrating it to Abdullah, made her nervous but she was lucky to have a spouse who was understanding enough to not scratch her old wounds. "I just want to ask one question." Abdullah said. "Yes?" she said whilst biting her lower lip. "If it's the past then what is it doing in the present? I mean why do you still have these things?" Abdullah interrogated while keeping the box back to the place where it belonged. "Umm I am sorry that you've to ask this question to me." she said and before Abdullah returned she kept her hands on her forehead, closing her eyes along with it. "I am just tired of me. No matter how much I try I tend to get back to the memories of my past. Those letters were given by Rehan to me during our childhood as well as teenage, and even though it's not so hard to forget just an unfortunate knot with him, I am unable to remit those memories of childhood because I've lived them for years, I've dreamt about them for years. I know I should have thrown them a long before but trust me something is eating me up. I am among those people who cannot easily forget the people we loved and sometimes this trait is more toxic than the boon. This is the reason why I am not shifting with you, this is the reason why I wasn't marrying you. I don't want to hurt you, I don't want the people around me to be sad because of me especially you, since you are my priority now." said Rida without having an eye contact with him and he pulled her into a warm hug. _________Abdullah had given all his effort to this relation but to his dismay he failed to take her out of the past and make her love him like he love her. She still takes his name in her sleep. She still keeps his memories. Does she still love him? But this is not the first time he was disappointed with her, in these three months, a lot has happened and now he felt like, he cannot change her, he cannot make her love him. He closed his eyes to go into a dreadful past. "I'll come by myself, don't worry." she texted. "Are you sure? I would have come to take you but got some work to wind up urgently tomorrow. Let's cancel it. May be sometime later." he texted back. "Noooooo, if you won't see me then your day wouldn't be good enough. *According to you* Don't blame me later." she replied. "Ahan so someone wants to meet me. Then see you tomorrow love."The next day he reached the appointed destination but she didn't come on time. An hour went by and Abdullah tried several times to call her but she didn't pick up the call. At last he dialled the home number and her mother in law picked up the call. "Assalamu Alaikum.""Walaikum assalam. So you want more of her time. I am guessing right. Hmm okay but don't take too long." she said and Abdullah said a small 'yes' before ending the call. He was scared of loosing her and he had no other option but to find her on the road between the restaurant and her home. Someone informed him about a niqabi's turbulent accident and he trembled over it until he found out that it wasn't Rida but finding out this was a bad news more than a good one. After being scared to death, he came back to her house and sat on the doorstep debating how to confront her in laws. They had given him her hand so that he protects her but he failed to do so. Before he could go into her house, she entered the house riding her scooter."Rida are you okay?" he hastly came forward to ask."I am fine. You weren't in the restaurant so I came back. I called you but your mobile was switched off." and with that he pulled out his phone to discover that it's battery was dead."I waited for you an hour, where were you? I had called you several times and you didn't pick up. Do you have any idea how scared I was?""Ohh I am so sorry. As I came out of the house, Sidra called me for the first time after our nikah as she was mad at me. So she asked me for a help and I couldn't deny.""You could have pinged me Rida.""I was so overwhelmed by her call that I forgot. I am sorry.""You forgot that we had a date and I was waiting for you since an hour?"Rida was trying her best but now Abdullah had realised that these small little things were enough as an open witness that Rida didn't accept him. He may have written his name beside her but he failed to write his name in her heart."Enjoying alone?" Ayesha interrupted his thoughts while he was sitting in the garden on the swing behind the house."When did you come?""Well, Assalamu Alaikum.""Walaikum Assalam.""I came an hour before and you are here since an hour alone doing nothing. I thought you were busy with your misses so I didn't disturb." said Ayesha while sitting beside him."No my cellphone is on repair.""So how are you living without talking to her.""Just as normal people live. Duh." he said with a forced smile."Is everything fine between you two?" she asked in concern."I don't know." Abdullah answered. "Did you tell her about your new job? Is it because of it?" "Nope I didn't.""Why? When did you last meet her?" she asked."A day before.""Then why didn't you tell her?" she emphasised."Appi. I don't know what to say right now. No matter how much I try, I am unable to get the love I want from her. I went that day to tell her but I couldn't.""Do you think I was joking when I said that this will not be easy?" Ayesha said folding her hands."I am not regretting marrying her appi and if you want to talk about it that I did a mistake by marrying her then I am not even talking about this anymore to you." he said while taking a leave from the swing but Ayesha made him sit forcefully."Niether am I regretting it. I just want to remind you what I already told you, that this marriage wouldn't be easy. Not that second marriages are all like that but yours is the exception. So I just want to make sure that you remember the words you said to me when I opposed your marriage and stay actively consistent on it and make sure that you do things that will make your relationship better.""So what do I do?""Heal her before you love her. May be many relationships end because people are trying to date without healing themselves. It's not like you did a mistake by marrying her but before you want her to love you back help her in this healing process." Ayesha said."Hmm you're right, she hasn't yet healed from her past but what should I...." said Abdullah before he took a pause "Can I get your phone?""Yeah." she said handing over it to him immediately and standing up to leave."Abdullah." she said taking a few steps further and then turning her face backwards. "Hmm." he said while dialling a number."I love you and I love her as well, I want to see both of you happy. Take your step and don't worry, you two are always in my Duas." she said and Abdullah gave a heart warming smile to her before she exited from his sight.He dialled the number before speaking "Hey. Hi. Assalamu Alaikum. It's me.""Walaikum Assalam. Who?""Urgh. Abdullah.""Yeah say.""I want you to speak to her please." Abdullah pleaded."I can't Abdullah. It's so hard for me.""I know it is and it is niether easy for her. But it's high time we need to do this. I wouldn't ask you for this if it wasn't so important. Please?"
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