Light Upon Light
Assalamualaikum!! I hope you are all fine and doing well! Have fun reading another chapter of Junaina's life.***
#6 The FitrahWhen we got back home, news of the events at town had already reached home. Dawud Chacha was waiting for us in the foyer. I thought we were done for.Instead my jaw dropped down on seeing him patting Samar's back and saying he's proud of him for protecting the honor of the family. Who knew delivering filmy dialogues could up your image in your family's eyes. Ayesha Di rolled her eyes as Samar smirked. She flicked his forehead when he started lifting his collar up and acting all cool. I couldn't stop myself from smiling. It turned into full blown laughter when Phuppi came to greet us in the hall and embarrassed Samar even more."Here comes the hero of the family! My sher, I am proud of you!" Her exaggerated antics got us laughing as Samar blushed and stalked away in annoyance. Poor thing, he actually was a hero. Phuppi followed him, no doubt to pacify his bruised ego."Juni beta, did you get everything you need?" Chachi asked.I nodded. "Yes Chachi, just my uniforms left." "Ah, that you will get from Marwa after you join there. You may have to attend class without them for a week or two." She said smiling. "Okay, let me just get these stuff upstairs and go meet Dadi." "Annu will help you. And Ammi is in the terrace," then addressing Di she said, "Ayesha beta, come and help me serve the mint juice. You'll need something refreshing after your day out."Di nodded and followed her to the kitchen. She had handed her abaya to the maid who was waiting. "Di, let me take that from you," she said.She looked about my age. I felt awful about making her carry my stuff upstairs when I had hands and feet to do it on my own."No need Annu. I'll be fine." "Di, please let me do my work." She requested.I huffed in defeat. So much for being nice. I split the stuff between the two of us. When we got to my room I told Annu to dump them on the floor and leave. The next thirty minutes were spent in putting things in their place and organizing my room in general. I still had to unpck my luggage. Figured I'd do it with Annu's help later. I still had to meet Dadi.I was huffing and puffing by the time I reached the terrace. After I regained my composure, I took a look at my surroundings. The roof is my favorite part of Ashiana. Coming up here not only lifts up my spirits but is a complete aesthetic experience. Spread around randomly are mats with spices scattered on them for drying. The vastness of the roof gives a taste of freedom. The slight chill that permeates the air up here is refreshing. With the sky up high as the ceiling, I could lay here all day long. And the view of the world down below was downright breathtaking.Dadi was giving instructions to some maids on spreading the spices and collecting them and whatnot. I only understood half of the rapidly spoken Urdu. Thankfully she spoke to me much more slowly. Another perk of being an NRI product, even your mother tongue ends up being accented. Especially if you never used it, like me. Mom, Samir, Safwan and I always conversed in English. Only Dad insisted on speaking in Urdu at home. "Salaam Dadi." I greeted, walking over to her.Dadi's face lit up with a smile on seeing me. It gave me the best feeling ever. And it also reminded of Dad, they had the same smile. "Wa alaikumasalaam Junaina. I was waiting for you. Come, let's take a look around."She took my hand in hers and together we walked towards the stone railings that bound the roof. We stood there hand in hand, and just enjoyed the view. The different shades of green spread around us was refreshing. The sky was colored pink and orange and red, indicating the approaching sunset. The lawns down below looked like green carpets spread out in welcome and the flowers were bright spots of colors amidst it. Birds flew around in the distance and their cries added to the atmosphere of beauty around us.Satisfaction filled me up. For the first time since my arrival, I felt at peace. "Junaina, do you think Allah does not exist?" Dadi asked, her voice calm and steady. Just curious.I was stumped at first. Stumbling over words, I tried to form a proper answer. It took me a moment to speak."I... am not sure. Sometimes, I almost believe in the existence of God. But then, I find myself facing the question, what rational proof is there of such a deity?" It was surprisingly hard for me to admit the truth to Dadi. One look at her and you know that she is a pious woman. With her hijab and her modesty and just the way she spoke. To admit to such a person that you're a sceptic is indescribably hard. I couldn't look into her eyes after I spoke. And with the heavy silence coming from her, regret built up in the pits of my stomach.Maybe I should have lied after all. Or evaded somehow. And then she spoke."Instead of your question, let me ask you one in return, what proof do you have that Allah does not exist?"Dadi seemed to have mastered the means of stunning me to silence. I have had this debate many times over with some of my oh so religious classmates. Girls who sneered at me for not wearing a hijab or having boyfriends. People who ridiculed me. And I've always heard tons of things as proofs and what not, but never had anyone counter questioned me like Dadi just did. Jaw agape, I struggled to formulate a proper response. Until Dadi decided it was better if she answered. There were things that I wanted to express, but I couldn't. Not in the face of such confidence."Junaina, look at the world around you. Do you think all of it sprung up on its own? Or do you think any human had the genius to create such a wonder? Do you think you created your mind? Or your parents?"She paused. And I reflected on her words. I thought of all the scientific theories explaining creation and evolution. But the truth was, I had doubts regarding those theories being the truth. There were unanswered questions behind every theory. As for evolution leading to creatures with higher thinking capabilities, I always thought it was bull crap. I did refuse to believe in the existence of a Creator though. "The most rational answer to all those questions is, no. Nothing as magnificent as this earth and the solar system and the universe could have popped out of nowhere. And human beings cannot possibly have evolved from apes. When you look around you, there is a part of you that acknowledges that yes there is a Creator. There is a supreme power."Her words resonated deep within me. There is a part of me that tells me that Allah is the Creator. And there is no other way to explain creation. "If there is no God, why do we all exist? Why does this world exist? What is the purpose of life? It cannot be just being born, living a life and then dying and losing everything. But the presence of Allah gives us a purpose. And that purpose is to serve Him. Makes the whole point of life sensible. Worthwhile." There were questions brimming in the back of my mind. Dadi's reasoning was still sound enough to keep me from bringing them up."Allah has made mention of His creation multiple times in the Quran as signs for the believing. And they are. How could the sun have such a perfect cycle if it were not designed so by Someone? How could the seasons alter perfectly if not for a set course created by Someone? Day and night, light and darkness, life and death; everything implies the presence of a Creator and that is Allah. You cannot deny it."Dadi turned to look at me and I held her gaze. Her wrinkled old hands clasped mine tightly. I could not deny the truth in her eyes and in her words. I had questions that needed answers, I had doubts, I had fears. It was like a veil was lifted from my eyes for a moment, allowing me clear sight. All my instincts pointed towards it. Allah is very much real. He exists."Junaina, you were born with the Fitrah, the inclination to believe in Allah and his Oneness. Unfortunately your circumstances have been such that your instincts were tainted with doubts of the world.""Fitrah?" "The innate inclination to believe in Allah. Tell me, whenever you had a tough exam or something horrible was about to happen to you, what were the first words you spoke?" The words spilled off my tongue effortlessly."Oh God, no." Dadi smiled."There it is, your proof. Human beings tend to forget Allah until they finally end up in a situation where no one can help them but Him. And that is the truth, we are helpless without Allah."I let her words sink into my heart. Deep within where they could never be erased. I am helpless without Allah.***
Phew! *wipes imaginary sweat off her brow*Do do do tell me how it turned out. I'm anxious for comments on this one chapter. I'm really worried because it was immensely hard to write. This is Juni's first step into the right path. Ah still has to go a long way, but ultimately this is where it all starts for her. Stay tuned,I'll try to update more often.Salaam,Ann.
#6 The FitrahWhen we got back home, news of the events at town had already reached home. Dawud Chacha was waiting for us in the foyer. I thought we were done for.Instead my jaw dropped down on seeing him patting Samar's back and saying he's proud of him for protecting the honor of the family. Who knew delivering filmy dialogues could up your image in your family's eyes. Ayesha Di rolled her eyes as Samar smirked. She flicked his forehead when he started lifting his collar up and acting all cool. I couldn't stop myself from smiling. It turned into full blown laughter when Phuppi came to greet us in the hall and embarrassed Samar even more."Here comes the hero of the family! My sher, I am proud of you!" Her exaggerated antics got us laughing as Samar blushed and stalked away in annoyance. Poor thing, he actually was a hero. Phuppi followed him, no doubt to pacify his bruised ego."Juni beta, did you get everything you need?" Chachi asked.I nodded. "Yes Chachi, just my uniforms left." "Ah, that you will get from Marwa after you join there. You may have to attend class without them for a week or two." She said smiling. "Okay, let me just get these stuff upstairs and go meet Dadi." "Annu will help you. And Ammi is in the terrace," then addressing Di she said, "Ayesha beta, come and help me serve the mint juice. You'll need something refreshing after your day out."Di nodded and followed her to the kitchen. She had handed her abaya to the maid who was waiting. "Di, let me take that from you," she said.She looked about my age. I felt awful about making her carry my stuff upstairs when I had hands and feet to do it on my own."No need Annu. I'll be fine." "Di, please let me do my work." She requested.I huffed in defeat. So much for being nice. I split the stuff between the two of us. When we got to my room I told Annu to dump them on the floor and leave. The next thirty minutes were spent in putting things in their place and organizing my room in general. I still had to unpck my luggage. Figured I'd do it with Annu's help later. I still had to meet Dadi.I was huffing and puffing by the time I reached the terrace. After I regained my composure, I took a look at my surroundings. The roof is my favorite part of Ashiana. Coming up here not only lifts up my spirits but is a complete aesthetic experience. Spread around randomly are mats with spices scattered on them for drying. The vastness of the roof gives a taste of freedom. The slight chill that permeates the air up here is refreshing. With the sky up high as the ceiling, I could lay here all day long. And the view of the world down below was downright breathtaking.Dadi was giving instructions to some maids on spreading the spices and collecting them and whatnot. I only understood half of the rapidly spoken Urdu. Thankfully she spoke to me much more slowly. Another perk of being an NRI product, even your mother tongue ends up being accented. Especially if you never used it, like me. Mom, Samir, Safwan and I always conversed in English. Only Dad insisted on speaking in Urdu at home. "Salaam Dadi." I greeted, walking over to her.Dadi's face lit up with a smile on seeing me. It gave me the best feeling ever. And it also reminded of Dad, they had the same smile. "Wa alaikumasalaam Junaina. I was waiting for you. Come, let's take a look around."She took my hand in hers and together we walked towards the stone railings that bound the roof. We stood there hand in hand, and just enjoyed the view. The different shades of green spread around us was refreshing. The sky was colored pink and orange and red, indicating the approaching sunset. The lawns down below looked like green carpets spread out in welcome and the flowers were bright spots of colors amidst it. Birds flew around in the distance and their cries added to the atmosphere of beauty around us.Satisfaction filled me up. For the first time since my arrival, I felt at peace. "Junaina, do you think Allah does not exist?" Dadi asked, her voice calm and steady. Just curious.I was stumped at first. Stumbling over words, I tried to form a proper answer. It took me a moment to speak."I... am not sure. Sometimes, I almost believe in the existence of God. But then, I find myself facing the question, what rational proof is there of such a deity?" It was surprisingly hard for me to admit the truth to Dadi. One look at her and you know that she is a pious woman. With her hijab and her modesty and just the way she spoke. To admit to such a person that you're a sceptic is indescribably hard. I couldn't look into her eyes after I spoke. And with the heavy silence coming from her, regret built up in the pits of my stomach.Maybe I should have lied after all. Or evaded somehow. And then she spoke."Instead of your question, let me ask you one in return, what proof do you have that Allah does not exist?"Dadi seemed to have mastered the means of stunning me to silence. I have had this debate many times over with some of my oh so religious classmates. Girls who sneered at me for not wearing a hijab or having boyfriends. People who ridiculed me. And I've always heard tons of things as proofs and what not, but never had anyone counter questioned me like Dadi just did. Jaw agape, I struggled to formulate a proper response. Until Dadi decided it was better if she answered. There were things that I wanted to express, but I couldn't. Not in the face of such confidence."Junaina, look at the world around you. Do you think all of it sprung up on its own? Or do you think any human had the genius to create such a wonder? Do you think you created your mind? Or your parents?"She paused. And I reflected on her words. I thought of all the scientific theories explaining creation and evolution. But the truth was, I had doubts regarding those theories being the truth. There were unanswered questions behind every theory. As for evolution leading to creatures with higher thinking capabilities, I always thought it was bull crap. I did refuse to believe in the existence of a Creator though. "The most rational answer to all those questions is, no. Nothing as magnificent as this earth and the solar system and the universe could have popped out of nowhere. And human beings cannot possibly have evolved from apes. When you look around you, there is a part of you that acknowledges that yes there is a Creator. There is a supreme power."Her words resonated deep within me. There is a part of me that tells me that Allah is the Creator. And there is no other way to explain creation. "If there is no God, why do we all exist? Why does this world exist? What is the purpose of life? It cannot be just being born, living a life and then dying and losing everything. But the presence of Allah gives us a purpose. And that purpose is to serve Him. Makes the whole point of life sensible. Worthwhile." There were questions brimming in the back of my mind. Dadi's reasoning was still sound enough to keep me from bringing them up."Allah has made mention of His creation multiple times in the Quran as signs for the believing. And they are. How could the sun have such a perfect cycle if it were not designed so by Someone? How could the seasons alter perfectly if not for a set course created by Someone? Day and night, light and darkness, life and death; everything implies the presence of a Creator and that is Allah. You cannot deny it."Dadi turned to look at me and I held her gaze. Her wrinkled old hands clasped mine tightly. I could not deny the truth in her eyes and in her words. I had questions that needed answers, I had doubts, I had fears. It was like a veil was lifted from my eyes for a moment, allowing me clear sight. All my instincts pointed towards it. Allah is very much real. He exists."Junaina, you were born with the Fitrah, the inclination to believe in Allah and his Oneness. Unfortunately your circumstances have been such that your instincts were tainted with doubts of the world.""Fitrah?" "The innate inclination to believe in Allah. Tell me, whenever you had a tough exam or something horrible was about to happen to you, what were the first words you spoke?" The words spilled off my tongue effortlessly."Oh God, no." Dadi smiled."There it is, your proof. Human beings tend to forget Allah until they finally end up in a situation where no one can help them but Him. And that is the truth, we are helpless without Allah."I let her words sink into my heart. Deep within where they could never be erased. I am helpless without Allah.***
Phew! *wipes imaginary sweat off her brow*Do do do tell me how it turned out. I'm anxious for comments on this one chapter. I'm really worried because it was immensely hard to write. This is Juni's first step into the right path. Ah still has to go a long way, but ultimately this is where it all starts for her. Stay tuned,I'll try to update more often.Salaam,Ann.
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