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السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

Hello people!

I'm terribly sorry for the delay in this update. I won't keep you from the chapter ahead with a long author's note. So go ahead and enjoy.

***

#45 The Qadr of Allah

So what usually happens when I wake up late and come to school in a mad rush is, I tend to forget something really important back home. It could be anything from home works and assignments to books I borrowed from my friends. All day long I was plagued by the sensation of forgetfulness. That I couldn't figure out what I left behind was frustrating me to no end.

When PT period came around and everyone jumped at the chance to go out and play, take advantage of the extensive school grounds or just sit and gossip under the mango tree; I stayed behind to complete my Maths homework. I was in no mood to head out and listen to gossip.

Sreejith Sir was pretty forgiving and had asked me to submit my notes before I left school. Having the perfect opportunity at hand, I skipped PT for once.

It took me all of half an hour to complete my work. Once I was done, I got out of class and walked to the corridor. There was still about ten minutes left for the bell. I was contemplating whether to join my friends downstairs or not when I heard footfalls on the stairs. Out of curiosity I looked back and regretted the decision to do so immediately.

Zaid Hashim halted his steps when he saw me. I whipped around and stared at the glittering lake beyond as though I could fathom the secrets within its depths from here. I waited for his steps to go ahead and recede.

As the wind messed with my hair, I remained completely still. He started walking again, slower than his usual brisk movement. Every second lingered way too long and I was beginning to feel my earlier mood swings kick up again. Patience was the last thing in my heart. I wanted him to be gone and that was it.

When he finally passed me, I let out the breath I had unconsciously held in.

What a horrible thing feelings are! So hard to keep in check and always acting up like a spoiled kid throwing tantrums. I hated being so aware of one person. And yet…

Checking my watch I found that there was still some time left. I decided to go downstairs anyway. My thoughts were meandering into dangerous territory that I was not mentally equipped to navigate. Leaving the railings I turned in the opposite direction and headed for the stairs.

'Junaina!'

I stopped in my tracks. Perhaps I gave in to relief way too soon. Ugh. What now? I could feel the pace of my heart pick up. All he did was call my name and my heart took it as a sign to act as though I had just run a marathon.

That's it, I can't take erratic feelings. Ignoring him I continued on my way. He ran up to me. 'Juni just wait!'

'How many times do I have to tell you, it's Junaina to you!' I yelled pivoting to face him. To onlookers I probably looked like a raging bull with flared nostrils ready to tear through Zaid with my nonexistent horns.

His hand was stretched out towards me and his usual intense expression was replaced with alarm and worry. My outburst made him back up a few steps.

'Junaina. I'm sorry, just calm down and hear me out please,' he begged and tried to stall me.

My heart was torn in two. On one hand I wanted to know what he had to say, on the other hand I wanted to get out of the hallway faster than the Shatabdi express. His appeal with those stupid puppy dog eyes won me out in the end.

'What is it?'

'You've got… just…' he said and then started scratching his head. Great. First he stops me and then he is gobbling up his own words.

'Just turn around,' he finally said and started unbuttoning his blazer. What the hell?!

'Zaid what is up with you?'

'Just turn around please,' he urged once more. Rolling my eyes I complied to his request. The boy has started losing brain cells I guess. 

'I'm going to hand my blazer out to you. Tie it around your waist, that way you can cover up the stains.' He said.

Stains?

Oh Allah no. NO!

It can't be.

Ladies and gentlemen I just experienced the most embarrassing moment in my life. How could I have been so careless? How did I not even realize? Oh God no!

'Here,' he said softly, stretching out the sleeves of his blazer. My fingers barely brushed his as I took them from him.

Blood rushed to my face as I knotted the blazer. Why did this have to happen to me? So so so embarrassing. I wouldn't be able to look him in the eye after this. He stepped around and stood next to me. Wringing my hands, I let my fringe fall so it covered my face partially at least.

'J-Jazak Allahu Khairan,' I said peeking at him through my hair.

'Wa anti fajazakillahu khairan. Don't worry. I won't tell anyone. Do you need any help?' He said, stuffing his hands into his pockets and assuming his signature pose.

Tucking my hair up, I had just mustered enough courage to say no to Zaid when I spotted Azza come through the stairwell. Oh boy. I tensed up visibly as Azza took in Zaid and me together. Her eyes flipped down as she saw the blazer around my waist and put two and two together.

'Azza it's not what you-'

'It's okay. I'll take you to the washroom.'

Her words blew me away, left me astounded and stole the very breath out of me. How is this the same girl who tried to take every opportunity to ruin my reputation? What she just saw could have been perfectly utilized to fabricate a fabulous rumor.

'Who are you and what have you done with the real Azza?' I asked as she accompanied me.

She rolled her eyes at my question. 'No girl should be made fun of for getting her period. Wouldn't it be hypocritical of me to not help you?'

This does not make sense. I think I may have fried a good portion of my brain cells trying to figure the last few moments. And how stupid of me to forget that it's my date for dear time of the month! I always left home prepared when it's due and I had to forget it this time.

Of all the things to lose track of!

'Juni?' Azza waved her hands in front of my face, snapping me back to the present.

'Sorry. I'm just... you're not being nice just to strike back in double dose right?' I asked grabbing both her hands in mine.

Her eyes widened for a fraction and then she sighed. 'I guess I deserve this for being such a jerk to you,' she let on, fixing her eyes on the floor and then back at me. 'I promise. No bad intentions. I just want to help.'

I wanted to second guess her vow, but my needs were more pressing. Throwing all caution to the wind, I accepted her help. Maybe it really was sincerity in her eyes. Maybe not. I couldn't deny the fact that when I needed help, Allah brought her to me.

So good or bad, whatever comes after this will come no matter what. Tawakkul. That's what's being tested here.

I wanted to return Zaid his jacket immediately after I got cleaned up. But I still had to keep it. There was no spare uniform and I couldn't walk around with a wet kameez.

Suffice to say I had a lot of curios stares pointed my way for the rest of the day. In the end I gave in to cramps and discomfort and got Samir to pick me up. When he spotted me in the lobby with Zaid's blazer still wound around my waist, he quirked up a brow in question but didn't push it. 

And I was really really glad.

I was not ready to relive the embarrassment that would come with recounting the incident. Just thinking about it made me cringe. I mean just imagine, being helped by a boy in such a situation. And not just any boy, Zaid Hashim of all people.

Mercifully I didn't have to dwell too much on my misery. I had reached home just in time for Bhai's return from Baithun Noor. Giving him a devious smirk I ran upstairs to get changed, Zaid's blazer now resting in my hand. I had to ask Annu to wash it for me discreetly.

'So Bhai how did it go?' I asked as I came downstairs. He was seated in the courtyard with Samir and the ladies of the house minus Dadi.

'Why did you come home early?'

'To make you uncomfortable of course. You thought I'd miss the opportunity?' I asked raising my brows. He sighed and covered his face.

'I should have seen this coming,' he mumbled.

Smirking, I sat next to Di. Samir was on my right and Bhai in front of me. Chachu stood beside her son, while Phuppi occupied the chair next to Di. All that was missing was a plate of snacks and some tea.

'Tell us… how did it go? Did you talk to Hashim sahib yourself or did Dawud speak on your behalf?' Chachi grilled, placing a hand on Bhai's shoulder.

Sitting up straighter, Shoaib bhai cleared his throat. 'Initially Dad and Javed Chachu engaged in small talk with Mohammed uncle. And then Dad was like 'Mohammed, we haven't come for a casual visit.'' Bhai's impersonation of his Dad was spot on. Including the way Chachu always sat up straighter and fixed his shirt cuffs when he is getting into serious discussion.

Chachi flicked his head as we laughed and then prompted him to continue. Bhai told us how he interrupted Chachu and took over the situation himself. He was shivering apparently when he told Mohammed uncle that he wanted Iqra's hand in marriage. Throughout his narration Bhai had his gaze fixed on the mosaic floor and arms resting on the chair, wringing the life out of his fingers.

'Was Mohammed uncle blown away by your gallant proposal?' I asked as he went into a deep silence. Samir gave me a reproachful look. I ignored him and waited for Bhai to speak up.

After a few more seconds he said, 'Mohammed uncle became quiet for sometime. I was beginning to regret ever going to Baithun Noor when he smiled wide and then actually started laughing.'

'Your expression must have been hilarious,' I commented earning a nudge from Samir. My stupid brother was fighting his own smile.

'Maybe. I don't know. Anyway he said that he never would have guessed we went with the intention of proposing. He also said all that's stopping him from agreeing is Iqra's opinion.'

A hopeful smile was present on Bhai's face. Di and I held hands and gushed. It was such an adorable moment.

'So will we get an answer soon?' Phuppi asked.

'Both Iqra and Haseena Aunty were out. Mohammed uncle said he'd call us as soon as they returned and he discussed the matter with them,' Bhai said rubbing his neck. His eyes were unfocused, fixed at a distance way beyond Ashiana, seeing a scenario invisible to us. Equal measures of fear and hope danced in those hazel depths.

Clasping my hands together, I prayed that my hunch was correct. Allah knows that it was not easy to get Bhai to admit his feelings. It was even harder to watch him become unlike himself while Iqra Di had Nazeem's proposal going on. If Iqra refused, he'd probably close up again. And then Chachi and Chachu would be distressed as well. Relations between Baithun Noor and Ashiana families might have some friction too.

There's so much that could go wrong if Iqra Di rejected this proposal.

Later as Di and I sat in her dressing room sorting through the clothes, I raised my concerns. We were selecting those outfits that Di could use after marriage. The remaining clothes would go to some charity after her wedding.

'What do you think Di? You're her best friend. Surely you have some idea,' I said, folding a grey hijab and putting it on the pile of scarves.

Di turned away from the mirror to face me. Lowering the yellow kurta she had held up she said, 'Iqra has opened up to me before. So I do have an inkling. But since it's her secret I can't share it.'

'Ugh! Why are things so complicated?' I huffed dropping the bundle of scarves.

'Sabr Juni ki bachhi. We'll come to know soon,' Di said cupping my cheek. Pouting like the kid I was, I went back to folding more hijabs.

She asked me about my day at school. It was a good subject change. I was completely distracted from Iqra Di. After a pause I narrated how my classmates stood up for me. And then cringing, I told her about the humiliation my time of the month caused me.

Di was hysterical by the time I finished telling her everything. She had tears running down her eyes as she laughed. It wasn't even that funny.

'C'mon Di! Don't laugh like that, I'm already super embarrassed,' I cried out, stuffing my face into a pink sheila to hide my cheeks which matched it.

As Di struggled to stifle her laugh, the scene went over in my head again. While it was one of my most horrible moments with Zaid, I couldn't help but be touched by his kindness. He could have ignored me and walked away. He could have let me face the public humiliation that would have followed. But he did not. Despite my stubborn nature he helped me in a time most boys would have run away.

'What's running in that crazy head of yours Juni?' Di asked as I put the sheila away.

'Huh?'

The next thing I know Di is vigorously shaking my shoulders. 'Di!' I exclaimed trying to get her to stop it.

'You weren't responding,' she giggled as she eventually let go of me.

It was hard to pull my mind out of the Zaid induced haze and back into the present. At this rate soon Samir and Di will sniff the truth of my feelings out of me.

'Zaid is a very reserved boy but he has a golden heart. He is far more mature than most boys his age.'

While I gave no visible reaction to Di's comment, I wholeheartedly agreed with her. He stood out from other boys of his age and his difference appealed to my silly heart. As conflicted as my feelings are, I can't entirely blame him. He is a good guy and more often than not I've behaved rudely just because my feelings made me mad. I hated not being in control of whatever emotions tied me to him. No matter how hard I try, I can't force him out of my system.

This internal tug of war will be the death of me some day.

'Junaina Javed Ali, sometimes you are just so lost in that world of dreams of yours,' Di said shaking her head and discarding the kurta to the rejected pile.

My lips quirked up the tiniest bit.

We had come up here just after Asr. Samar was back from school and updated on the current status of the proposal. Anxiety, impatience and curiosity pervaded the halls of Ashiana. Every single member was waiting for the phone to ring with any kind of news. And everytime the land phone or someone's mobile rang there was such anticipation and tension. The wait was slowly killing us within. Bhai has been locked up in his room since Asr and has asked everyone to keep away.

Di came and sat in front of me. From the slight frown on her face in knew she was getting ready to take a tour of my so called 'world of dreams'. Suddenly Samar came barging into the room, shouting with glee.

'It's a yes! Girls, it's a yes! Woo hoo!'

His ecstacy was contagious. Jumping up I pulled Di into a tight hug, clothes toppling down to the floor as we did. Holding her close, I swayed side by side.

'Alhamdulilah!' We chorused over and over again.

All at the once the tense silence was replaced with the sound of mirth and joy, so much joy. It was as if the walls of the house were beaming in delight, the coloured windowpanes reflecting the unbridled happiness that one word brought to our family.

Yes.

Di and I broke apart and rushed to the stairs. It was with effort that I did not slide down the railing to get there faster. I skipped the last few steps and jumped straight to the courtyard. Samir's timely interference saved me from planting my face to the ground.

'Contain yourself you idiot. You'll get hurt,' he chided even as he grinned.

Pulling him in an embrace I said, 'I'm just so glad Samir. Isn't this just perfect?!'

'It is. Alhamdulilah, it is.'

Almost the entire family was assembled. The only ones missing were Chachi and Shoaib bhai. She had gone to his room to let him know the good news. We waited by the foot of the staircase for Bhai to come down. I stood between my Dad and Samir, with my arms thrown about Dadi.

The lady in question was wiping tears from her face as she mumbled her shukr and smiled in happiness when I first found her. Now she patted my hand softly, expectation breaking her otherwise calm face.

As Bhai slowly came down the stairs with his mother, Dadi left my hold and received him first. The hug they shared may have brought a tear or two in my eyes.

Bhai stood right in the center and accepted our congratulations and teasing with his infamous crooked smile. If I wasn't mistaken he had tears in his hazel eyes for a second. Clasping my hands together, I swayed on my spot and shared the moment of pure happiness.

Finally, finally our dear Bhai got the girl of his dreams.

I secretly felt super proud of my instincts. Mentally I patted myself for being such a drama queen who was hell bent on opening up the secrets of Bhai's heart.

'Stop thinking so highly of yourself Juju. It was the Qadr of Allah,' Samar said stepping next to me, shooting a stupid smirk my way.

Rolling my eyes I faced him and said, 'Of course it was Qadr of Allah. It was fate that I'd be sent here and then all the events and conversations that followed as well. I'm well aware. I guess you should be thanking Allah that this 'Juju' is such a drama queen,' I fluttered my lashes for extra effect as I laid it on thick.

'You're hopeless,' he chuckled and walked away.

Dadi asked all of us to get dressed to go to Baithun Noor to formalize things. She didn't want it to be as huge function and inconvenience for the Hashim family. So Mohammed uncle was called up and told of our visit and not to prepare anything.

In half an hour we were ready. While walking wouldn't have been a problem, the men insisted on taking the cars as it would be Maghrib soon. It would be dark by the time we'd leave from Baithun Noor.

I took the time to sneak off to the kitchen and ask Annu if the blazer was dried yet. It was the perfect opportunity to give it back to Zaid without drawing too much attention. Unfortunately for me, things weren't in my favor. Allah knows when I'd be able to return it now.

The little detour left me only about fifteen minutes to dress and be out. I picked the simplest outfit I could find that wouldn't need ironing and pulled it on. It was a black maxi dress  with a sequined waist band and puffed out sleeves. I braided my hair and stuffed it into a quick braid. Running out through the doors, I barely had time to pull on my flats properly and get into the car with Samir.

The only other occupants were Di and Samar. The latter was grumbling about girls taking way too much time to get dressed. I wisely decided not to get into a pointless banter with him. We reached Baithun Noor quick enough and entered with the rest of our family.

Mohammed uncle and Zaid stood at the open doorways to greet us with Haseena Aunty.  We were welcomed inside and seated in the huge hall. Pleasantries were exchanged and the adults gushed over how unreal it was. Haseena Aunty was beaming with happiness.

'I'm so glad Iqra is going to be your daughter- in- law. she told Chachi with moist eyes.

'Believe me, I'm the lucky one. I'm going to get Iqra as my daughter.'

As the ladies talked, Di excused herself and went up the stairs to meet her best friend. In a few moments Iqra Di came to the hall with Sidra and Di in tow. She looked lovely in her peach salwar kameez. As she sat next to Chachi, Sidra came and propped herself by my side.

'We're going to be relatives Juni!' squealing, she crushed me in a hug.

We parted and watched the two lovebirds. Both had their eyes cast down. Iqra Di was fidgeting with the tassels on the hem of her top while Bhai was pulling the classic move of ruffling his hair. Sidra and I looked at them and then at each other and broke into fits of giggles.

Shoaib bhai was squirming under the attention he received from both the families. He wanted to see her, but Iqra Di kept her eyes lowered. Di nudged her shoulder playfully and Iqra Di looked up for a few seconds and then went back to staring at the marble floor. Her cheeks were pink and her lips were pulled up in a small smile.

'I'm sure Shoaib is just dying to talk to Iqra. why don't we let the youngsters move aside while we settle on a date, Mohammed?' Chachu asked.

Mohammed uncle nodded readily. The boys stood up first and moved to the open library next to the living hall. There were huge shelves reaching the ceiling interspersed with French windows which opened out into the gardens. Comfortable couches were placed randomly and the floor was lined with a plush burgundy carpet. A few books were stacked on the coffee table in the center. Zaid picked them up and stuffed them in the nearest shelf.

We followed them soon after and sat down. Iqra Di was opposite Bhai, with Di right next to her. Samir and Samar flanked Bhai and Zaid sat next to his best friend. I was seated in a chair beside Samir and Sidra took her sister's side.

Then we waited. And we waited. And waited. And Samar had enough.

'This is worse than the time Di and Jiju sat for a chat,' he said rolling his eyes.

'I know right. And someone had teased me for being awkward,' Di said, her dimpled smile pointed at Bhai who flushed under our collected gaze.

I bit back a giggle as Bhai cleared his throat and said salam. Iqra Di looked up and responded in a more even tone.

'H-how are you?' He managed to blurt out next. This time I joined the boys as they laughed at a flustered Shoaib bhai.

'I'm fine, Alhamdulilah. I hope you're okay,' Iqra Di said smiling wider.

As Bhai stumbled through his reply, Samar shook his head pitifully. 'Kya Bhai… putting us boys to shame. Look at how calm and collected Bhabhi is,' he said patting Bhai's shoulder.

Flicking my fringe aside I said, 'Bhai you don't have much time left. You want to say something before we have to go?'

'If you don't want to talk then we'll chat with Iqra Bhabhi,' Samir grinned raising his brows.

Bhai shot a glare at the lot of us.

'Chill people. You guys are putting Jiju under pressure,' Zaid said. Sidra raised her brows in indignation.

'The rishta is just fixed and you're already taking Jiju's side? Shame on you Zaid bhai… your sisters have only one brother!'

Her outburst cracked us up. Even Shoaib bhai relaxed as he shared a fist bump with Zaid.

'You both don't need to get to know each other too much anyway. Neighbors and all that right?' Samir asked with a wink. Both Bhai and Iqra Di blushed at once.

And so on and so forth the teasing went. Iqra Di contributed more to the conversation than Bhai did. We laughed at his shyness and mocked him and he didn't know whether to laugh or growl at us. Our banter was cut short when the adults called us over.

They had fixed the wedding towards the end of January. The Nikkah would take place from Ashiana on 24th and Walima from Noor auditorium on 25th. There were hardly two months left. Ashiana had two weddings coming up now. So exciting!

After a few last minute details being discussed, Dadi stood up to leave. She gave Iqra Di a hug. 'You've always been like a daughter to us. In sha Allah soon you'll really be a part of my family,' Dadi said with a big kind smile.

All of us said salaam to Iqra Di in turns and then to the rest of the family. Mohammed uncle gave Bhai a firm shake of the hand and bid us adieu.

Back in Ashiana everyone dispersed to their rooms. The men went to the Masjid and the ladies to the kitchen to set up dinner. I went up to my room just in time for a Skype call with Mom.  I told her all about the proposal and she was overjoyed. She asked to see Chachi and so I went to the kitchen, iPad in hand. I set it for them on the island and left.

My mind was barely focused as I made my way back to my room and tried to get some homework done. Lia had sent me pictures of the notes I had missed later in the day. I was just too distracted to get stuff done. In the end I went to bed completely drained. The cramps were starting back up and I skipped dinner and called it an early night.

As I reflected on the day I slowly drifted to sleep with a smile. The wonders of the Qadr of Allah, truly amazing. After all the worries and tension things were eventually falling into place as He intended.

***
It's been a month since I joined college for my Masters and I've hardly had time to write. I really hope this chapter is not disappointing. In sha Allah I'll try to update as soon as I can.

Stay tuned for more

Love,
Ann