Light Upon Light
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته.
Hello people of the world!! Eid Mubarak to all of you. Here is my Eidi to all you wonderful peeps. Can't wait to see your reactions ;)#42 The Good News and The Bad News One fine day, two weeks into November, I was going to my bus to return home from school. Samar called me aside and led me to our car in the parking lot. I was wondering why on earth someone came to pick us up when Dad emerged from the driver's side. I almost squealed loud enough to make birds shoot to the skies from the trees and all of Marwa stare at me as though I was a mad banshee. Well they already think the latter about me, most of them. In reality, I ran to Dad drawing attention anyway. 'You just couldn't inform me exactly when you were going to reach huh?' Dad grinned as I pulled away and said, ' Salam to you too Juni and I'm extremely pleased to see you as well!' I couldn't stop the smile from popping back on my face. He had come in November as promised and I was the happiest. A smile was stuck on to my face everytime I turned to look at him. I pestered him with questions about his journey, what he brought for me from Dubai, and about Mom and Safwan and Samir until Samar butted into our chat.'Stop eating his ear off with your damn questions. He's going to be here for awhile!' He teased smirking.'Oh shut up! You don't know the joy of seeing your Dad after a long time,' I said pulling my tongue out at him.'You Skype him every other day,' he rolled his eyes.'It's not the same as seeing him in person. Why am I wasting my time on you anyway?' I turned back around in my seat facing the front. 'So Dad when did you say Samir was coming?''You Skype him every other day as well!' Samar said before Dad could get a word in.'If you haven't gotten the memo yet Samra dear, you're excluded from this conversation. Samir thought it unnecessary to let me know when he's coming,' I bit out, giving him one of my death glares in the process. He just tossed his head in defiance. Dad laughed at our interaction as he drove through the highway to the south. 'Dad... why did you pick this idiot?''Because he happens to be my sister's son.' Dad quipped, daring me to challenge his statement by raising a brow up at me before fixing his eyes back on the road. 'I'm hurt Javed Mamu.' Samar said with his hand on his heart. Rolling my eyes I asked him to shut up as Dad chuckled.'And why are you evading my question Dad?' I pressed, crossing my arms and pinning him with a stare. 'Because Samir has given me explicit instructions to not reveal his surprise.'Pouting like the spoilt child I was, I zipped up my lips for the rest of the drive back home. After Chachi and Dadi ganged up on me and opened my eyes to the folly of my curious meddlesome behavior, I sulked for almost a week. I stopped spending time with Dadi, I ate my meals in silence and I didn't go downstairs to pray in congregation with everyone else. The good outcome was, Samar backed off. He never pestered me about boys or my intentions or whatever. I am hoping it would last and not result in a blowup that has been waiting in the sidelines since that morning he taunted me. But my mood grew foul, I started cooping myself up in my room using my studies as an excuse. Shikha and Haseeb picked up on my grumpiness easily. I tried my best to appear nonchalant but when I snapped at a couple of juniors who were looking at me oddly, Shikha restrained me and gave me a good shaking. 'What's gotten into you?' She asked pulling me away from the rest of our group. We were in the grounds, meandering by the artificial lake.'Nothing,' I gritted out, kicking the dirt as I walked.'That didn't look like nothing Juni. You've already earned a mixed reputation, do you want to cement it on the negative side?' She asked, her tone stern as she forced me to stop and face her. I refused to meet her soul piercing gaze. When I continued to maintain silence, she asked me about the last person who was on my mind.'Has Azhar taunted you in anyway since his return?'A derisive snort escaped me at the absurdity of her question. Since his re-entry in Marwa, Azhar has avoided me like the plague. And not just me, but the public scene at Marwa on the whole. He didn't dare step foot on the ground as Samar had made his opinion clear enough. 'You know he wouldn't dare… that scaredy cat,' I giggled. 'Then what is the reason for the storm clouds swirling over your head? It's been days since we've noticed your altered behavior,' Shikha stated crossing her arms and widening her stance. She was not letting me go without an answer. 'Lia is scared to talk to me thinking I'd yell at her…' I thought out loud as I threw my head back and stared at the pale wintry sunshine. A few students had already started adding layers to their clothes as temperatures dropped with each passing day. 'To think she has to put up with your mood swings more than the rest of us,' Shikha said. I couldn't decide if it was sympathy for Lia or sarcasm towards me that was dripping from her tone. I sighed. And ended up telling her everything. This girl had a way of squeezing out my secrets as though I were a slice of lime. Once I was done with the explanation, I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my vest and stopped pacing. Shikha rocked on her feet as she processed everything. 'You know you're over acting right?' She said, raising a thick well arched brow to enunciate her point. I threw my hands up in frustration and groaned, letting them fall to my sides. 'They hid stuff from me and expected me to be cool about it. All I want is Shoaib Bhai's happiness... why is that wrong?' 'Maybe because none of this concerns you?''I hate it when you talk like that. You tend to make irrefutable arguments like Dadi,' I complained, pushing my bangs away as the wind messed them up. Shikha smirked as she got to me.'This Dadi of yours sounds fab. When do I get to meet her?' 'Whenever you drop by.''Not when you're being a sulky little child though,' she mocked me, rubbing her hands over her eyes to imitate a whiny baby. I punched her arm lightly and then threw my arm around her, dragging her back to the school building with me. She was the only one of our group who matched up to my height. 'I don't know. I just feel so frustrated. And stupid. You're right, I'm a spoilt brat!''She finally accepts the truth!' She yelled earning another punch. She messed up my hair in retaliation. That day I went home and joined my family for tea. Nobody taunted or teased me for sulking. Nobody scolded me for being a brat. Conversation flowed as it did normally and I found myself butting in as usual.It was during my period of sulking that Nazeem and his family had come to see Iqra Di. Phuppi got to know all the details as she went there to formally invite the Hashim family for Di's wedding. Yusuf Uncle, Yasmin Aunty and Nazeem went there along with a sister of his. Apparently they were pleased with Iqra Di. So far they haven't called the Hashim family with a response though. I had my fingers crossed for a refusal, as did everyone else in the Ali family. We were concerned for Bhai. He was extra cheerful and ten times more snarky. It was disturbing to pretend not to notice the way he often lost himself deep in thought, the dark circles under his eyes, the way he played with his food and his small appetite. So that was one stress still roaming inside my head. It was hard to let go as Samir advised me to. At times like these I wished I could occupy myself with a conundrum like Zaid.He resumed his pretense of my non existence. At the bus stop I kept the notion up because Samar still watched me like a hawk. Samar being between us actually helped me ignore him. I didn't have to over analyze his actions anymore. It helped that I had resentment in my heart still. His assumption of my behavior did not sit well with me. He can't know I have feelings for him. I don't have feelings for him anyway. He just puzzles me a lot. Sometimes I feel like pulling my hair out because I simply can't figure him out. I may have checked him out occasionally, but I've never shown my interest in him to him. If Sidra or Di assumed anything… they'd be justified in doing so. I've tried to make sense of Zaid's actions by discussing with them. It was arrogant of him to think he has an influence on the way I act.'What heavy thoughts are buzzing around in my Princess' pretty head?' Dad asked pulling me out of the cacophony within my mind. We were in the living hall, having moved there after finishing tea. Almost all were present except for Phuppa, Chachu and Phuppi. They left right after lunch most of the days to invite people to Di's wedding. The last wedding in Ashiana took place nearly twenty years back. So Dadi wanted to invite all her extended family for the functions. 'Nothing much Dad,' I replied with a smile. He peered at me intensely and I held his gaze. After a moment he sighed and looked away. He threw his head back and rested on the couch, shutting his eyes.'You look tired beta. Why don't you go take some rest in your room?' Dadi suggested as she noticed Dad's ashen face. His eyes were bleary with sleep and had bags under them.'Chachu, you need not have gone to pick Juni after such a long trip,' Shoaib bhai said as he assessed Dad. I would have thrown a tantrum if not for the fact that I wholly agreed with him. It would still have been a surprise for me if I saw Dad here when I came back from school.'Ammi I'm fine,' he said lifting his head to look at her. She simply raised an eyebrow, and crossed her arms, dropping the book she was reading oh her lap. Dad sighed. 'Alright. I'm exhausted… I'll go sleep for a bit. Happy?' 'It's your health not mine,' was all she had to say in response. Sass level: unbelievable.'Shoaib… you won't know why I went to pick up my Princess until you have one of your own,' Dad stated as he stood up and stretched. I felt warmth bloom in my tummy as he gave me a big grin. Who's got the world's best Dad?Junaina Javed Ali. 'I'll see you all later,' Dad mumbled and trudged up the stairs. 'You lucky little brat!' Bhai commented with dare I say it... a hint of jealousy.'I know,' I simpered, with the most annoying smile in my arsenal. Di giggled and Dadi covered her laughter up with her hand. Samar smirked at Bhai, shaking his head. I may have fluttered my lashes a bit.'Oh beta… I think your father is a perfect gentleman,' Chachi said, adjusting her dupatta.'He's your husband. You're bound to defend him,' Bhai rolled his eyes.'Both my sons Dawud and Javed are excellent fathers, if I may say so,' Dadi noted with a smile that was meant to disarm.'Ahh! You guys are ganging up on me again!' Bhai cried out, ruffling his hair. As if it wasn't messy in the first place. His phone nearly crashed to the floor from its precarious perch on a cushion on his lap.'Chachi… I have a doubt,' I said, resting my chin on my hands which were clasped together. 'Yes?' She prompted with a gleam in her eyes. Her gaze flitted to Bhai for a second as she zipped her lips tight to fight a smile. 'Was bhai born with such an unruly mess of a mane or did it become like that because of his silly habit of messing it up?' Ducking just in time, I managed to evade the projectile that came my way. Everybody laughed at Bhai's childish retaliation. 'Now that I think about it… Mami you have such silky straight hair. And even Mamu's hair is always so neat and wavy. Has Shoaib's habit mutilated his genes?' Di surmised, screwing her eyes up and tapping her chin as though she was really confounded. 'Samar has crazy hair too!' Bhai said pulling one Samar's curls out. He batted Bhai's hand away. It got his attention away from his phone.'Hey! Don't pull me into this!' Samar said, fixing his hair.'Oh Bhai... Samar has curly hair. There's a difference.' I won't lie, I was having the time of my life teasing Bhai. 'Ya Allah! Juni ki bachhi, you can be such a pain sometimes!' He cried out in frustration. 'I love you too Bhai. I can totally understand that you adore me,' I responded fluttering my lashes at him with a hand on my heart. Samar was on the floor as he cracked up. Di gasped as she struggled to breathe, laughter bubbling up as she tried to stop. 'Okay bas bas, children get ahold of yourself. It's not even that funny,' Dadi commented, her features suddenly going stern. It sobered the lot of us and I composed myself. 'Jazak Allahu Khairan Dadi, if not for you these kids would give me no peace,' Bhai said, moving to Dadi's side to give her a hug. Dadi patted his arm and said, 'I'd worry about my maturity if I were you. You're letting kids get to you.''Nani slays!' Samar shouted, throwing his arms out. 'My poor Shoaib. Always the target for his cousins,' Chachi said, her voice dripping with everything but sarcasm. Bhai covered his face with his palm and stalked out of the room to a chorus of glee. 'Seriously though, you guys need to lay off,' Chachi said, all the mirth going out of her face.'I think Juni is just trying to divert his attention,' Samar jumped to my defense, startling me. I almost got a whiplash as I pivoted to gawk at him. And it was not just me. 'What?! I can be nice!' He protested to our looks of surprise and awe. 'I wish I could have recorded it. Such a rare moment,' Di said. Samar threw cushions at her. When he was out of ammo, he resorted to messing her dupatta, loosening her bouncy hair from its bun. I didn't know if I should give in to laughter or go and separate the two. Frozen to spot I watched the scene unfold as Chachi stepped in and pulled Samar away. I had to bite my lips to keep from giggling. 'When will you grow up beta?' Chachi asked and then said in the same breath, 'You know what, don't bother answering that.' A fond smile graced her lips as she ruffled his hair. Samar had the grin of a naughty kid on his face. Chachi's phone rang with a call from her Mom and she excused herself from the hall'I'm going to head out Dadi. There's a football match in the park,' Samar said, after checking a text he got. 'Go ahead. And get back home right after Maghrib.''I will! In sha Allah... Assalamualaikum.'He was already out of the door when we responded to his salam. I was debating the pros and cons of slumping on the sofa or going upstairs to get to my schoolwork. It was quite an internal argument that was increasingly favouring the former. I had managed to convince myself to go upstairs and prepare for mock tests planned by some of the teachers. Just then Chachu came in followed by Phuppa and Phuppi. Di came back from Dadi's room. She had gone to put away the book Dadi was reading. On seeing her, Phuppi started wringing her hands. 'Have your heard anything from Iqra?' she asked, her tone higher than usual. Di stopped in her tracks. 'No, she hasn't contacted me the last few days. Why?' she asked, suspicion colouring her voice. Just mentioning Iqra Di's name heightened the tension in the hall. Chachu's eyes were fixed on the floor, his lips set in a straight line and hands stuffed into his pockets. Phuppa excused himself as he got a phone call. He took to the stairs. The suspense of it was killing me. I still didn't know what Iqra Di had told Di. Being in the dark about things didn't sit well with me in the first place, and now this frightful silence from Phuppi's part was confirming my worst fears. 'What happened Ammi?' Di asked, 'We had gone to Shabana's house today to invite their family to your wedding, ' Phuppi said as she dropped on the couch, exhaling heavily. 'Shabana Aunty, that Nazeem's phuppi?' 'The same. We casually inquired about the proposal since it's been so long…' Phuppi trailed off. '… turns out Nazeem is getting engaged to some other girl. The rishta was fixed only yesterday, ' Chachu finished off for her, rubbing his forehead. In an instant Di and I sported matching wide grins. Good news at last! For all that waiting and worrying and sinking of hopes, Shoaib bhai finally had a shot at his happiness. The ways of Allah are beyond human comprehension indeed. 'This is good news! Why do you guys look so glum?' Di asked, clutching her hands together and bouncing in joy.'We are just not sure if we should approach the Hashim family so soon...' That was such a stupid thought. I agree we might seem over eager if we dived in with the proposal, but why should it bring tension in the house?'There should be no delay in a good act,' Dadi said, her hands steepled and gaze fixed on her eldest. Chachu squirmed under Dadi's scrutiny.'Wouldn't... it seem like you know, we may have tampered with the proposal so that we could go through with Shoaib's rishta? We do know both the parties quite well…' Chachu finally said what was nagging both the siblings. Phuppi nodded to support his doubt. As the uncertainty set it in I faced Di whose frown mirrored my own. Could it really be a problem? Would the Hashim family think so lowly of us?Dadi expressed the questions swirling in my head to them with firm conviction that the Hashims wouldn't misunderstand us like that. 'We weren't exactly the mediator in that proposal. Yes they enquired of each other with us and that's it. Nobody outside of Ashiana know that we've been thinking of approaching Mohammed for his daughter's hand in marriage. So where is this question even coming from?' She asked, shooting down every bit of doubt I had in my mind. She was right after all. If it was known to the gossiping general public that we were hoping to get Shoaib bhai married to Iqra, then a talk may rise of us meddling to get everything aligned in our favor. But the members of Ashiana discussed this only a couple of weeks back and all of us were strictly forbidden from talking about it to outsiders. 'But Ammi… people will talk. You know some people are waiting for a chance to demean our family,' Phuppi said, with a long face as her mind probably brought up all the things desi aunties could spew to spoil the reputation of our Ali family.Dadi face was set in determination. 'I have not feared society nor have I raised you to fear them. We only need to think if it would earn us Allah's displeasure on going ahead with the proposal!' Towards the end of her sharp words her tone was raised. I almost felt like slinking away from the scene. Things had escalated quickly. And Di and I were stuck in the middle of an adult discussion with no inconspicuous way out. In that moment I was relieved that both Chachi and Bhai were not in the hall. They both need not hear this. Bhai would resolve something drastic and Chachi would be upset for a longer term than before. Stupid society poking it's nose in unwanted places and making straightforward matters complicated.Chachu sighed and took a seat next to Dadi. He rubbed his face to clear away the exhaustion evident and then clasped his hands together.'Both of you are right, Ammi, Sumi. But I'm favoring Ammi in this. Because for me my son is more important than jobless people who have nothing else to do apart from spreading fitnah. Shoaib will be affected by such talks. He will place the family above his own happiness. And I don't want him to sacrifice his joy and then decide to remain a bachelor or slump down into depression. He is an emotional person. And he's been through enough hell these last few weeks. So, I'm going to support my son.'I won't lie, I cried. And I was not the only one. Chachu had tears in his eyes as he spoke of his only child with trembling voice. His love shone through and through. I saw Di try to wipe her tears discreetly. Dadi's eyes were moist as well. 'Alhamdulilah. I'm proud of your decision beta. Sumaiyya, I understand your fears dear. We will wait two days and then go ahead. No more than that.'Dadi's stand was accepted without question. In that moment I felt a jumbled mixture of pride, humility and gratitude for being a part of this family. It's not easy to stand up and face society. It's not easy to ignore the rumors and nor is it easy to stamp down the anger and protectiveness towards our family, ourselves. It's not easy to take decisions where we have to put ourselves in the line of fire to do something right. The indirect lesson of fearing no one but Allah and having utmost faith that He will take care of things and to make sure to check and recheck if our actions served to please only Him, I took to heart. And I came to need it the very next day. For propaganda was back in Marwa and it was spearheaded by Azhar's dear friend Azza. I should have known someone would retaliate for the way I handled Azhar. It came in the form of an anonymous Facebook account that said Marwa confessions and gossip. It was an account that existed before my time in Marwa. But it only became active recently. There were a few random posts about different people and gossip started floating in school. But my friends and I didn't pay attention until a confession post was put up and I was tagged in the comments by Wafa.The confession read: This is hard for me to admit, but I would like Zaid Hashim to know that I adore him. Zaid was tagged in the post. Not a minute after, comments started pouring in from all directions, mostly fuelled by the two vamps from my class. All of this didn't come into either Samar's notice or mine until the next day in school. After the heavy discourse about Shoaib bhai, I didn't bother checking my phone except for updating Samir and texting my Mom. I spent the rest of the day catching up with my studies and some reading. As for Samar, he came home after Maghrib as promised. He must not have caught up with Facebook as well because if he did, I'd be dead and under by now. Those comments there had my death sentence written all over them. At school the next day, I didn't mind the crazy stares and gossiping and fingers pointed at me. I was pretty much used to all kinds of attention from the people at Marwa by now and didn't put too much thought into it. Not even when Azza made it a point to ask me how I was. 'Hey Juni,' Azza said, sauntering towards the front desk on which I was perched while going over English grammar with Lia, Haseeb and a few other boys and girls from my class.That she even bothered to greet me, instead of gracing me with one of her stares of contempt should have warned me of the storm building up. 'What's up?' I asked quirking a brow up. I saw Lia and Haseeb tense up next two me. They were having a nonverbal communication. I didn't worry about it. Lia always got worried when I came face to face with my antagonizers. 'You tell me… anything new happen in the crazy dramatic world of Junaina Javed Ali?' Her emphasis on new and my name didn't sit well with me. But I didn't show my annoyance to her. 'Last I checked, nothing in the crazy dramatic world of Junaina Javed Ali concerned you. Now scoot… some of us are actually trying to study if you don't mind.'Azza's pretty face got scrunched up with a frown. I didn't miss the anger in her eyes at being told off. But she didn't retaliate. Flicking her bangs over her multilayered hijab, she strolled away.Lia and Haseeb were at it again. As Azza retreated they watched me warily, Lia more so than Haseeb. Reaching out I poked at the frown on Lia's forehead. 'Relax. I'm not going to combust.' 'Yeah Lia, chill. Azza is just trying to provoke Juni as usual,' Haseeb laughed, his eyes shifting to me every few seconds. His laugh didn't reach his eyes. In fact none of the events of the morning were new. Lia looked worried. She and Haseeb tried to tell me something important, but I brushed them off and opened my English text as some of my classmates had come to ask for help. The two of them joined the group, so I gave no importance to what they had to say.Surprise and worry only took me over when Najwa rushed to me first thing in the short break, and brought me up to speed. Once she was done recounting the tale to me, I was ready to go wring Azza's neck until she died. There was no doubt that it was her behind the plot, her out of the blue question in the morning totally fit in. Shikha restrained me before I could unleash the fire burning within me. As if one person targeting me and trying to tarnish my reputation wasn't enough. And connecting me with Zaid of all people… maybe my conflicted feelings weren't as hidden as I thought. Or maybe... Azza was stoking the embers of the bonfire that Azhar tried to light. Both my fists were enclosed in a death grip by Shikha. Staring at her chipped black nails,I tried to bring the boiling temperature within me down. 'You were suspended for two days before, don't make it two weeks by stomping off to fulfill your anger. That's exactly what would validate all those games. We'll deal with this the right way. Just please don't go mad witch on us.' Exhaling heavily, I drunk in Shikha's words. Her hold on my wrists was hurting me, but it had me grounded. Focusing on the pain, I tried to shut up the chaos of thoughts racing through my mind. My stiff shoulders finally slumped as I recalled Dadi's talk about pleasing none but Allah and proving myself to none but Him. I won't kill Azza. I won't even react. I'll just let this slide away and pretend to not even be aware of the gossip. I'll even deactivate my Facebook for the time being if need be. Taking deep breaths I just managed to calm down when Haseeb sprinted to a stop next to the four of us. The sight of him brought Samar to the forefront of my mind. In my rage I had forgotten that there was one person who would overreact and assume the worst about the situation. Haseeb was bent over his knees as he worked to calm his breathing. I read the confirmation of my thoughts in his eyes before he even spoke. 'Samar is not happy.'I didn't stray out of my class until it was time to go home. Azza was gloating as she knew what she had accomplished. She had targeted the one thing that could break us all. Samar's overprotective nature towards Zaid. She was smarter than Azhar, I'd give her that.Not only did she act anonymously so that no fingers could be pointed at her, she also used Azhar's attack on a much better target, Samar. What better way to ruin all of us, Samar would flare up and all three of us would be consumed. She ruined life for me not just at school, but at home as well. I took great to care to leave the class with the crowds. In my effort to blend in, I had to step carefully so as to not be jostled by all the students rushing out. Normally, I only ventured out after the mad traffic was over. In my effort to avoid Samar, I got stuck in a mess. Clutching my binder and some records close to me, I tried to navigate out of the chaos. My urge to get out heightened as I spotted Zaid trying to manage the students at the end of the corridor. Great. Just terrific. Just as I had reached the end and was about to make it out of the double doors to the ground, someone pushed into me heavily. I lost my balance. There was nothing to hold on to and students were rushing in from both sides. I was going to get trampled. My stuff landed on the floor in front of me with a plop and my face was next in line. I scrunched my eyes shut tight and prepared for the impact which never came.Before my nose could be squished to a shapeless blob I was pulled back upright. Right after relief, worry seeped in as my eyes followed the hand latched on my elbow to the familiar figure of the last person I wanted to be seen with. I would have stood there frozen, unable to break my gaze from Zaid's deep brown eyes, if not for the sudden hush that surrounded us. Yanking my hand away from him, I bent down picked my things up and ran for my life. Sidra tried to get me to sit up straight and talk. I refused. I didn't want Samar to find me. He knew where I sat, but I was banking on the fact that he wouldn't hash it out with me in the bus. I begged Sidra to walk me home. And I actually dragged her with me all the way to the entrance of Ashiana. The poor dear did not let the curiosity swimming in her eyes out. She walked inside with me, spotted Di and handed me over, explaining things as quickly as she could. The two of them took me upstairs. Sidra only left after she saw that a measure of calm had settled in me. Samar wouldn't barge into my room and Di wouldn't let him in anyway. That was the only assurance I had. My mind kept replaying the moment where Zaid had saved me. The unbridled fear and instinct to help me out that I read in his eyes driving me nuts. It had to happen at a time when things were being stacked up against me. The fear, the rush, the anxiety came building up and I started pacing my room. And all of the emotions reached their height when I realized that the whole incident was not an accident. There was a picture on the damned account when Zaid had held me upright to save me from getting trodden on. Only it looked like we were having a romantic moment with the way our eyes were locked, his hand on my arm. The actual event probably lasted seconds, this picture made it seem like we were enjoying it. I wish he let me fall down in peace. What's a few people kicking me compared to the storm that Samar would unleash?I'm never stepping foot out of my room. ***So... so ... so?I don't know if it's written well, but I love this chapter! Do let me know what you thought about it. Have a blessed and barakah filled Eid.Stay tuned for more.Love,
Ann
Hello people of the world!! Eid Mubarak to all of you. Here is my Eidi to all you wonderful peeps. Can't wait to see your reactions ;)#42 The Good News and The Bad News One fine day, two weeks into November, I was going to my bus to return home from school. Samar called me aside and led me to our car in the parking lot. I was wondering why on earth someone came to pick us up when Dad emerged from the driver's side. I almost squealed loud enough to make birds shoot to the skies from the trees and all of Marwa stare at me as though I was a mad banshee. Well they already think the latter about me, most of them. In reality, I ran to Dad drawing attention anyway. 'You just couldn't inform me exactly when you were going to reach huh?' Dad grinned as I pulled away and said, ' Salam to you too Juni and I'm extremely pleased to see you as well!' I couldn't stop the smile from popping back on my face. He had come in November as promised and I was the happiest. A smile was stuck on to my face everytime I turned to look at him. I pestered him with questions about his journey, what he brought for me from Dubai, and about Mom and Safwan and Samir until Samar butted into our chat.'Stop eating his ear off with your damn questions. He's going to be here for awhile!' He teased smirking.'Oh shut up! You don't know the joy of seeing your Dad after a long time,' I said pulling my tongue out at him.'You Skype him every other day,' he rolled his eyes.'It's not the same as seeing him in person. Why am I wasting my time on you anyway?' I turned back around in my seat facing the front. 'So Dad when did you say Samir was coming?''You Skype him every other day as well!' Samar said before Dad could get a word in.'If you haven't gotten the memo yet Samra dear, you're excluded from this conversation. Samir thought it unnecessary to let me know when he's coming,' I bit out, giving him one of my death glares in the process. He just tossed his head in defiance. Dad laughed at our interaction as he drove through the highway to the south. 'Dad... why did you pick this idiot?''Because he happens to be my sister's son.' Dad quipped, daring me to challenge his statement by raising a brow up at me before fixing his eyes back on the road. 'I'm hurt Javed Mamu.' Samar said with his hand on his heart. Rolling my eyes I asked him to shut up as Dad chuckled.'And why are you evading my question Dad?' I pressed, crossing my arms and pinning him with a stare. 'Because Samir has given me explicit instructions to not reveal his surprise.'Pouting like the spoilt child I was, I zipped up my lips for the rest of the drive back home. After Chachi and Dadi ganged up on me and opened my eyes to the folly of my curious meddlesome behavior, I sulked for almost a week. I stopped spending time with Dadi, I ate my meals in silence and I didn't go downstairs to pray in congregation with everyone else. The good outcome was, Samar backed off. He never pestered me about boys or my intentions or whatever. I am hoping it would last and not result in a blowup that has been waiting in the sidelines since that morning he taunted me. But my mood grew foul, I started cooping myself up in my room using my studies as an excuse. Shikha and Haseeb picked up on my grumpiness easily. I tried my best to appear nonchalant but when I snapped at a couple of juniors who were looking at me oddly, Shikha restrained me and gave me a good shaking. 'What's gotten into you?' She asked pulling me away from the rest of our group. We were in the grounds, meandering by the artificial lake.'Nothing,' I gritted out, kicking the dirt as I walked.'That didn't look like nothing Juni. You've already earned a mixed reputation, do you want to cement it on the negative side?' She asked, her tone stern as she forced me to stop and face her. I refused to meet her soul piercing gaze. When I continued to maintain silence, she asked me about the last person who was on my mind.'Has Azhar taunted you in anyway since his return?'A derisive snort escaped me at the absurdity of her question. Since his re-entry in Marwa, Azhar has avoided me like the plague. And not just me, but the public scene at Marwa on the whole. He didn't dare step foot on the ground as Samar had made his opinion clear enough. 'You know he wouldn't dare… that scaredy cat,' I giggled. 'Then what is the reason for the storm clouds swirling over your head? It's been days since we've noticed your altered behavior,' Shikha stated crossing her arms and widening her stance. She was not letting me go without an answer. 'Lia is scared to talk to me thinking I'd yell at her…' I thought out loud as I threw my head back and stared at the pale wintry sunshine. A few students had already started adding layers to their clothes as temperatures dropped with each passing day. 'To think she has to put up with your mood swings more than the rest of us,' Shikha said. I couldn't decide if it was sympathy for Lia or sarcasm towards me that was dripping from her tone. I sighed. And ended up telling her everything. This girl had a way of squeezing out my secrets as though I were a slice of lime. Once I was done with the explanation, I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my vest and stopped pacing. Shikha rocked on her feet as she processed everything. 'You know you're over acting right?' She said, raising a thick well arched brow to enunciate her point. I threw my hands up in frustration and groaned, letting them fall to my sides. 'They hid stuff from me and expected me to be cool about it. All I want is Shoaib Bhai's happiness... why is that wrong?' 'Maybe because none of this concerns you?''I hate it when you talk like that. You tend to make irrefutable arguments like Dadi,' I complained, pushing my bangs away as the wind messed them up. Shikha smirked as she got to me.'This Dadi of yours sounds fab. When do I get to meet her?' 'Whenever you drop by.''Not when you're being a sulky little child though,' she mocked me, rubbing her hands over her eyes to imitate a whiny baby. I punched her arm lightly and then threw my arm around her, dragging her back to the school building with me. She was the only one of our group who matched up to my height. 'I don't know. I just feel so frustrated. And stupid. You're right, I'm a spoilt brat!''She finally accepts the truth!' She yelled earning another punch. She messed up my hair in retaliation. That day I went home and joined my family for tea. Nobody taunted or teased me for sulking. Nobody scolded me for being a brat. Conversation flowed as it did normally and I found myself butting in as usual.It was during my period of sulking that Nazeem and his family had come to see Iqra Di. Phuppi got to know all the details as she went there to formally invite the Hashim family for Di's wedding. Yusuf Uncle, Yasmin Aunty and Nazeem went there along with a sister of his. Apparently they were pleased with Iqra Di. So far they haven't called the Hashim family with a response though. I had my fingers crossed for a refusal, as did everyone else in the Ali family. We were concerned for Bhai. He was extra cheerful and ten times more snarky. It was disturbing to pretend not to notice the way he often lost himself deep in thought, the dark circles under his eyes, the way he played with his food and his small appetite. So that was one stress still roaming inside my head. It was hard to let go as Samir advised me to. At times like these I wished I could occupy myself with a conundrum like Zaid.He resumed his pretense of my non existence. At the bus stop I kept the notion up because Samar still watched me like a hawk. Samar being between us actually helped me ignore him. I didn't have to over analyze his actions anymore. It helped that I had resentment in my heart still. His assumption of my behavior did not sit well with me. He can't know I have feelings for him. I don't have feelings for him anyway. He just puzzles me a lot. Sometimes I feel like pulling my hair out because I simply can't figure him out. I may have checked him out occasionally, but I've never shown my interest in him to him. If Sidra or Di assumed anything… they'd be justified in doing so. I've tried to make sense of Zaid's actions by discussing with them. It was arrogant of him to think he has an influence on the way I act.'What heavy thoughts are buzzing around in my Princess' pretty head?' Dad asked pulling me out of the cacophony within my mind. We were in the living hall, having moved there after finishing tea. Almost all were present except for Phuppa, Chachu and Phuppi. They left right after lunch most of the days to invite people to Di's wedding. The last wedding in Ashiana took place nearly twenty years back. So Dadi wanted to invite all her extended family for the functions. 'Nothing much Dad,' I replied with a smile. He peered at me intensely and I held his gaze. After a moment he sighed and looked away. He threw his head back and rested on the couch, shutting his eyes.'You look tired beta. Why don't you go take some rest in your room?' Dadi suggested as she noticed Dad's ashen face. His eyes were bleary with sleep and had bags under them.'Chachu, you need not have gone to pick Juni after such a long trip,' Shoaib bhai said as he assessed Dad. I would have thrown a tantrum if not for the fact that I wholly agreed with him. It would still have been a surprise for me if I saw Dad here when I came back from school.'Ammi I'm fine,' he said lifting his head to look at her. She simply raised an eyebrow, and crossed her arms, dropping the book she was reading oh her lap. Dad sighed. 'Alright. I'm exhausted… I'll go sleep for a bit. Happy?' 'It's your health not mine,' was all she had to say in response. Sass level: unbelievable.'Shoaib… you won't know why I went to pick up my Princess until you have one of your own,' Dad stated as he stood up and stretched. I felt warmth bloom in my tummy as he gave me a big grin. Who's got the world's best Dad?Junaina Javed Ali. 'I'll see you all later,' Dad mumbled and trudged up the stairs. 'You lucky little brat!' Bhai commented with dare I say it... a hint of jealousy.'I know,' I simpered, with the most annoying smile in my arsenal. Di giggled and Dadi covered her laughter up with her hand. Samar smirked at Bhai, shaking his head. I may have fluttered my lashes a bit.'Oh beta… I think your father is a perfect gentleman,' Chachi said, adjusting her dupatta.'He's your husband. You're bound to defend him,' Bhai rolled his eyes.'Both my sons Dawud and Javed are excellent fathers, if I may say so,' Dadi noted with a smile that was meant to disarm.'Ahh! You guys are ganging up on me again!' Bhai cried out, ruffling his hair. As if it wasn't messy in the first place. His phone nearly crashed to the floor from its precarious perch on a cushion on his lap.'Chachi… I have a doubt,' I said, resting my chin on my hands which were clasped together. 'Yes?' She prompted with a gleam in her eyes. Her gaze flitted to Bhai for a second as she zipped her lips tight to fight a smile. 'Was bhai born with such an unruly mess of a mane or did it become like that because of his silly habit of messing it up?' Ducking just in time, I managed to evade the projectile that came my way. Everybody laughed at Bhai's childish retaliation. 'Now that I think about it… Mami you have such silky straight hair. And even Mamu's hair is always so neat and wavy. Has Shoaib's habit mutilated his genes?' Di surmised, screwing her eyes up and tapping her chin as though she was really confounded. 'Samar has crazy hair too!' Bhai said pulling one Samar's curls out. He batted Bhai's hand away. It got his attention away from his phone.'Hey! Don't pull me into this!' Samar said, fixing his hair.'Oh Bhai... Samar has curly hair. There's a difference.' I won't lie, I was having the time of my life teasing Bhai. 'Ya Allah! Juni ki bachhi, you can be such a pain sometimes!' He cried out in frustration. 'I love you too Bhai. I can totally understand that you adore me,' I responded fluttering my lashes at him with a hand on my heart. Samar was on the floor as he cracked up. Di gasped as she struggled to breathe, laughter bubbling up as she tried to stop. 'Okay bas bas, children get ahold of yourself. It's not even that funny,' Dadi commented, her features suddenly going stern. It sobered the lot of us and I composed myself. 'Jazak Allahu Khairan Dadi, if not for you these kids would give me no peace,' Bhai said, moving to Dadi's side to give her a hug. Dadi patted his arm and said, 'I'd worry about my maturity if I were you. You're letting kids get to you.''Nani slays!' Samar shouted, throwing his arms out. 'My poor Shoaib. Always the target for his cousins,' Chachi said, her voice dripping with everything but sarcasm. Bhai covered his face with his palm and stalked out of the room to a chorus of glee. 'Seriously though, you guys need to lay off,' Chachi said, all the mirth going out of her face.'I think Juni is just trying to divert his attention,' Samar jumped to my defense, startling me. I almost got a whiplash as I pivoted to gawk at him. And it was not just me. 'What?! I can be nice!' He protested to our looks of surprise and awe. 'I wish I could have recorded it. Such a rare moment,' Di said. Samar threw cushions at her. When he was out of ammo, he resorted to messing her dupatta, loosening her bouncy hair from its bun. I didn't know if I should give in to laughter or go and separate the two. Frozen to spot I watched the scene unfold as Chachi stepped in and pulled Samar away. I had to bite my lips to keep from giggling. 'When will you grow up beta?' Chachi asked and then said in the same breath, 'You know what, don't bother answering that.' A fond smile graced her lips as she ruffled his hair. Samar had the grin of a naughty kid on his face. Chachi's phone rang with a call from her Mom and she excused herself from the hall'I'm going to head out Dadi. There's a football match in the park,' Samar said, after checking a text he got. 'Go ahead. And get back home right after Maghrib.''I will! In sha Allah... Assalamualaikum.'He was already out of the door when we responded to his salam. I was debating the pros and cons of slumping on the sofa or going upstairs to get to my schoolwork. It was quite an internal argument that was increasingly favouring the former. I had managed to convince myself to go upstairs and prepare for mock tests planned by some of the teachers. Just then Chachu came in followed by Phuppa and Phuppi. Di came back from Dadi's room. She had gone to put away the book Dadi was reading. On seeing her, Phuppi started wringing her hands. 'Have your heard anything from Iqra?' she asked, her tone higher than usual. Di stopped in her tracks. 'No, she hasn't contacted me the last few days. Why?' she asked, suspicion colouring her voice. Just mentioning Iqra Di's name heightened the tension in the hall. Chachu's eyes were fixed on the floor, his lips set in a straight line and hands stuffed into his pockets. Phuppa excused himself as he got a phone call. He took to the stairs. The suspense of it was killing me. I still didn't know what Iqra Di had told Di. Being in the dark about things didn't sit well with me in the first place, and now this frightful silence from Phuppi's part was confirming my worst fears. 'What happened Ammi?' Di asked, 'We had gone to Shabana's house today to invite their family to your wedding, ' Phuppi said as she dropped on the couch, exhaling heavily. 'Shabana Aunty, that Nazeem's phuppi?' 'The same. We casually inquired about the proposal since it's been so long…' Phuppi trailed off. '… turns out Nazeem is getting engaged to some other girl. The rishta was fixed only yesterday, ' Chachu finished off for her, rubbing his forehead. In an instant Di and I sported matching wide grins. Good news at last! For all that waiting and worrying and sinking of hopes, Shoaib bhai finally had a shot at his happiness. The ways of Allah are beyond human comprehension indeed. 'This is good news! Why do you guys look so glum?' Di asked, clutching her hands together and bouncing in joy.'We are just not sure if we should approach the Hashim family so soon...' That was such a stupid thought. I agree we might seem over eager if we dived in with the proposal, but why should it bring tension in the house?'There should be no delay in a good act,' Dadi said, her hands steepled and gaze fixed on her eldest. Chachu squirmed under Dadi's scrutiny.'Wouldn't... it seem like you know, we may have tampered with the proposal so that we could go through with Shoaib's rishta? We do know both the parties quite well…' Chachu finally said what was nagging both the siblings. Phuppi nodded to support his doubt. As the uncertainty set it in I faced Di whose frown mirrored my own. Could it really be a problem? Would the Hashim family think so lowly of us?Dadi expressed the questions swirling in my head to them with firm conviction that the Hashims wouldn't misunderstand us like that. 'We weren't exactly the mediator in that proposal. Yes they enquired of each other with us and that's it. Nobody outside of Ashiana know that we've been thinking of approaching Mohammed for his daughter's hand in marriage. So where is this question even coming from?' She asked, shooting down every bit of doubt I had in my mind. She was right after all. If it was known to the gossiping general public that we were hoping to get Shoaib bhai married to Iqra, then a talk may rise of us meddling to get everything aligned in our favor. But the members of Ashiana discussed this only a couple of weeks back and all of us were strictly forbidden from talking about it to outsiders. 'But Ammi… people will talk. You know some people are waiting for a chance to demean our family,' Phuppi said, with a long face as her mind probably brought up all the things desi aunties could spew to spoil the reputation of our Ali family.Dadi face was set in determination. 'I have not feared society nor have I raised you to fear them. We only need to think if it would earn us Allah's displeasure on going ahead with the proposal!' Towards the end of her sharp words her tone was raised. I almost felt like slinking away from the scene. Things had escalated quickly. And Di and I were stuck in the middle of an adult discussion with no inconspicuous way out. In that moment I was relieved that both Chachi and Bhai were not in the hall. They both need not hear this. Bhai would resolve something drastic and Chachi would be upset for a longer term than before. Stupid society poking it's nose in unwanted places and making straightforward matters complicated.Chachu sighed and took a seat next to Dadi. He rubbed his face to clear away the exhaustion evident and then clasped his hands together.'Both of you are right, Ammi, Sumi. But I'm favoring Ammi in this. Because for me my son is more important than jobless people who have nothing else to do apart from spreading fitnah. Shoaib will be affected by such talks. He will place the family above his own happiness. And I don't want him to sacrifice his joy and then decide to remain a bachelor or slump down into depression. He is an emotional person. And he's been through enough hell these last few weeks. So, I'm going to support my son.'I won't lie, I cried. And I was not the only one. Chachu had tears in his eyes as he spoke of his only child with trembling voice. His love shone through and through. I saw Di try to wipe her tears discreetly. Dadi's eyes were moist as well. 'Alhamdulilah. I'm proud of your decision beta. Sumaiyya, I understand your fears dear. We will wait two days and then go ahead. No more than that.'Dadi's stand was accepted without question. In that moment I felt a jumbled mixture of pride, humility and gratitude for being a part of this family. It's not easy to stand up and face society. It's not easy to ignore the rumors and nor is it easy to stamp down the anger and protectiveness towards our family, ourselves. It's not easy to take decisions where we have to put ourselves in the line of fire to do something right. The indirect lesson of fearing no one but Allah and having utmost faith that He will take care of things and to make sure to check and recheck if our actions served to please only Him, I took to heart. And I came to need it the very next day. For propaganda was back in Marwa and it was spearheaded by Azhar's dear friend Azza. I should have known someone would retaliate for the way I handled Azhar. It came in the form of an anonymous Facebook account that said Marwa confessions and gossip. It was an account that existed before my time in Marwa. But it only became active recently. There were a few random posts about different people and gossip started floating in school. But my friends and I didn't pay attention until a confession post was put up and I was tagged in the comments by Wafa.The confession read: This is hard for me to admit, but I would like Zaid Hashim to know that I adore him. Zaid was tagged in the post. Not a minute after, comments started pouring in from all directions, mostly fuelled by the two vamps from my class. All of this didn't come into either Samar's notice or mine until the next day in school. After the heavy discourse about Shoaib bhai, I didn't bother checking my phone except for updating Samir and texting my Mom. I spent the rest of the day catching up with my studies and some reading. As for Samar, he came home after Maghrib as promised. He must not have caught up with Facebook as well because if he did, I'd be dead and under by now. Those comments there had my death sentence written all over them. At school the next day, I didn't mind the crazy stares and gossiping and fingers pointed at me. I was pretty much used to all kinds of attention from the people at Marwa by now and didn't put too much thought into it. Not even when Azza made it a point to ask me how I was. 'Hey Juni,' Azza said, sauntering towards the front desk on which I was perched while going over English grammar with Lia, Haseeb and a few other boys and girls from my class.That she even bothered to greet me, instead of gracing me with one of her stares of contempt should have warned me of the storm building up. 'What's up?' I asked quirking a brow up. I saw Lia and Haseeb tense up next two me. They were having a nonverbal communication. I didn't worry about it. Lia always got worried when I came face to face with my antagonizers. 'You tell me… anything new happen in the crazy dramatic world of Junaina Javed Ali?' Her emphasis on new and my name didn't sit well with me. But I didn't show my annoyance to her. 'Last I checked, nothing in the crazy dramatic world of Junaina Javed Ali concerned you. Now scoot… some of us are actually trying to study if you don't mind.'Azza's pretty face got scrunched up with a frown. I didn't miss the anger in her eyes at being told off. But she didn't retaliate. Flicking her bangs over her multilayered hijab, she strolled away.Lia and Haseeb were at it again. As Azza retreated they watched me warily, Lia more so than Haseeb. Reaching out I poked at the frown on Lia's forehead. 'Relax. I'm not going to combust.' 'Yeah Lia, chill. Azza is just trying to provoke Juni as usual,' Haseeb laughed, his eyes shifting to me every few seconds. His laugh didn't reach his eyes. In fact none of the events of the morning were new. Lia looked worried. She and Haseeb tried to tell me something important, but I brushed them off and opened my English text as some of my classmates had come to ask for help. The two of them joined the group, so I gave no importance to what they had to say.Surprise and worry only took me over when Najwa rushed to me first thing in the short break, and brought me up to speed. Once she was done recounting the tale to me, I was ready to go wring Azza's neck until she died. There was no doubt that it was her behind the plot, her out of the blue question in the morning totally fit in. Shikha restrained me before I could unleash the fire burning within me. As if one person targeting me and trying to tarnish my reputation wasn't enough. And connecting me with Zaid of all people… maybe my conflicted feelings weren't as hidden as I thought. Or maybe... Azza was stoking the embers of the bonfire that Azhar tried to light. Both my fists were enclosed in a death grip by Shikha. Staring at her chipped black nails,I tried to bring the boiling temperature within me down. 'You were suspended for two days before, don't make it two weeks by stomping off to fulfill your anger. That's exactly what would validate all those games. We'll deal with this the right way. Just please don't go mad witch on us.' Exhaling heavily, I drunk in Shikha's words. Her hold on my wrists was hurting me, but it had me grounded. Focusing on the pain, I tried to shut up the chaos of thoughts racing through my mind. My stiff shoulders finally slumped as I recalled Dadi's talk about pleasing none but Allah and proving myself to none but Him. I won't kill Azza. I won't even react. I'll just let this slide away and pretend to not even be aware of the gossip. I'll even deactivate my Facebook for the time being if need be. Taking deep breaths I just managed to calm down when Haseeb sprinted to a stop next to the four of us. The sight of him brought Samar to the forefront of my mind. In my rage I had forgotten that there was one person who would overreact and assume the worst about the situation. Haseeb was bent over his knees as he worked to calm his breathing. I read the confirmation of my thoughts in his eyes before he even spoke. 'Samar is not happy.'I didn't stray out of my class until it was time to go home. Azza was gloating as she knew what she had accomplished. She had targeted the one thing that could break us all. Samar's overprotective nature towards Zaid. She was smarter than Azhar, I'd give her that.Not only did she act anonymously so that no fingers could be pointed at her, she also used Azhar's attack on a much better target, Samar. What better way to ruin all of us, Samar would flare up and all three of us would be consumed. She ruined life for me not just at school, but at home as well. I took great to care to leave the class with the crowds. In my effort to blend in, I had to step carefully so as to not be jostled by all the students rushing out. Normally, I only ventured out after the mad traffic was over. In my effort to avoid Samar, I got stuck in a mess. Clutching my binder and some records close to me, I tried to navigate out of the chaos. My urge to get out heightened as I spotted Zaid trying to manage the students at the end of the corridor. Great. Just terrific. Just as I had reached the end and was about to make it out of the double doors to the ground, someone pushed into me heavily. I lost my balance. There was nothing to hold on to and students were rushing in from both sides. I was going to get trampled. My stuff landed on the floor in front of me with a plop and my face was next in line. I scrunched my eyes shut tight and prepared for the impact which never came.Before my nose could be squished to a shapeless blob I was pulled back upright. Right after relief, worry seeped in as my eyes followed the hand latched on my elbow to the familiar figure of the last person I wanted to be seen with. I would have stood there frozen, unable to break my gaze from Zaid's deep brown eyes, if not for the sudden hush that surrounded us. Yanking my hand away from him, I bent down picked my things up and ran for my life. Sidra tried to get me to sit up straight and talk. I refused. I didn't want Samar to find me. He knew where I sat, but I was banking on the fact that he wouldn't hash it out with me in the bus. I begged Sidra to walk me home. And I actually dragged her with me all the way to the entrance of Ashiana. The poor dear did not let the curiosity swimming in her eyes out. She walked inside with me, spotted Di and handed me over, explaining things as quickly as she could. The two of them took me upstairs. Sidra only left after she saw that a measure of calm had settled in me. Samar wouldn't barge into my room and Di wouldn't let him in anyway. That was the only assurance I had. My mind kept replaying the moment where Zaid had saved me. The unbridled fear and instinct to help me out that I read in his eyes driving me nuts. It had to happen at a time when things were being stacked up against me. The fear, the rush, the anxiety came building up and I started pacing my room. And all of the emotions reached their height when I realized that the whole incident was not an accident. There was a picture on the damned account when Zaid had held me upright to save me from getting trodden on. Only it looked like we were having a romantic moment with the way our eyes were locked, his hand on my arm. The actual event probably lasted seconds, this picture made it seem like we were enjoying it. I wish he let me fall down in peace. What's a few people kicking me compared to the storm that Samar would unleash?I'm never stepping foot out of my room. ***So... so ... so?I don't know if it's written well, but I love this chapter! Do let me know what you thought about it. Have a blessed and barakah filled Eid.Stay tuned for more.Love,
Ann
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