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Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu!

Alhamdulilah another blessed month of Ramadan has gone by, and so soon to. So it is back to updating Noor again, in my procrastinating way of course ;)

So for my dear readers here is a small chapter as Eidi :)

Eid Mubarak to all of you and your families.

Do tell me what you think of it.

***

#20 Ramadan Ashiana Style

I was one happy girl when we finally got back to Ashiana.

And maybe it was kind of obvious on my face.

"Chachu! Assalamualaikum! Junaina is finally back home!" I greeted happily.

"Wa alaikumasalaam! Look at you! Is this the same girl I picked up from Hyderabad a few months ago?" Chachu joked.

I paused in my celebration as he said that. In the meantime the rest of the family had assembled in the hall to welcome us. They had clearly heard the exchange between me and Chachu and they were all laughing. Except for one person of course.

Dadi was not laughing like the rest of them. But her thoughtful face was betrayed by the gleam of happiness in her eyes. It didnt take long for me to rush to her and greet her with a hug.

"I know right! I remember the grumpy face she had that day." Samar taunted further, expecting a reaction from me.

I merely rolled my eyes at him.

"Probably because it was you who received her. If it was her Shoaib bhai now…" bhai trailed off casing more laughter, this time at Samar's expense.

"She'd still have been grumpy. If your father couldn't cheer her up how could you?" Chachi mocked causing Shoaib bhai to pout like a baby.

Every one was in a good humor and it was not just because of our return. As we walked inside, I could see all the ayahs were busy packing something. The whole courtyard was filled with supplies that could last month's for the Ashiana family. It was as though we were preparing for a famine.

"What's going on here?" I asked Dadi.

The whole family had settled down in the living hall and Chachi and Di had gone to get tea and snacks for us all. I had taken little Jaad on my lap and started playing with him. He was so adorable with his chubby cheeks and big toothy grin.

"We always prepare kits for Ramadan and distribute them to those in need beta. It was a custom started by your Dada ji and we have continued it even after his passing." Dadi said smiling.

"Ohh! That is so cool!"

"What is cooler is that we boys actually get to go and distribute it to all those people. The smile on their faces when they get the stuff … I swear!" Samar remarked.

"You gotta take me with you bro," Faiz said and Samar nodded.

"Me too!" I chimed and they both looked at me as if I had grown two heads all of a sudden.

"I think I clearly mentioned it was a boys thing." Samar said and Faiz gave and him a high five.

These so called broad minded boys and their antics made my jaw drop. While Dadi took segregation seriously, she never made any distinction between boys and girls. Everything was equal in this house. And these idiots were joking about girls and how they whined and complained about everything. Samar thought the poor neighborhood would make my delicate girly heart faint. That was the last straw.

"You adults are really staying quiet as these idiots continue their narrow minded discussion?" I asked.

Dadi looked at me reproachfully for the way I spoke, but she made no other comment. Dad, Chachu, Irfan Phuppa and Shoaib bhai stopped their discussion just then and even the ladies paused as they were serving tea.

"I am sorry beta, but what were these 'idiots' talking about?" Dad finally asked making me groan in frustration and the boys laugh.

"Juni wats to join us as we distribute the kits and we were just saying it is not a good idea," Faiz explained, smirking at me as he did.

I was fuming silently.

"Oh. Well, we have never really taken the girls with us before," Dad said scratching his nape.

"Are you sure?" Dadi finally spoke up.

Dadi looked amused while both my Phuppis gave Dad the stink eye. Even Chachu looked at loss for words. Dad and Chachu stared at each other, bewildered. Suddenly the spotlight was on them and I knew they were done for.

"These kids take after their Khalu's. And they don't even remember!" Sumi Phuppi commented.

"Yeah and look at Javed bhai and Dawud bhai, sitting oh so innocently. Did you both forget the beating you got from Abba for teasing us just like this?" Razi Phuppi added and the two sisters shared a laugh.

Dadi was watching the whole thing unfold with a smile on her face.

Dad and Chachu suddenly turned pale as they remembered what Phuppi was talking about. And they both hung their heads down, completely embarrassed. It was hilarious really. Both my Phuppis were giggling while the rest of us looked on.

"What actually happened?" Mom prompted.

Some how they managed to tell us the story in between their laughter. When they were younger, all of them in their teens and pre teens, preparations were going on for Ramadan. All four of them actively helped Dadi and the ayahs to pack up the kits and label them. They were all pretty enthusiastic about distributing it. Dad and Chachu were hell bent on not taking the girls with though. They were so busy taunting the girls that they didn't notice that Dada Ji was standing behind them and listening to the whole thing. When they realized why the girls were looking so smug it was too late. Dada ji had apparently chased the two of them around the house with his stick and not just that, he excluded both of them and took the girls along with him to distribute everything.

By the time Razi Phuppi was done speaking, we were all in stitches. I gasped and clutched my side as I tried to control myself. Dad's face was not helping my case one bit. Even baby Jaad was bubbling with mirth. Samar and Faiz looked like they wanted to run away.

"Phuppi! I didn't know Abba had such embarrassing moments in his youth. Tell us some more stories!" Shoaib bhai prompted in between bouts of laughter.

"Later," Sumi Phuppi said winking.

"Sumaiyya don't you dare!" Chachu warned.

Phuppi just giggled and left to bring snacks.

"You're right Juni. These two are idiots, because of them our stupid incident is out in the open," Chachu groaned making us laugh even more.

Samar and Faiz feigned offence.

"How dare you Khalu! And to think I called you my favorite Khalu… not anymore." Faiz stated.

Samar nodded in agreement. Chachu looked like he wanted to dig a hole and bury himself in it. Samar and Faiz cracked up and Shoaib bhai joined them. And Dadi, she was just smiling and watching us poke fun at each other. Even the ayahs were smiling and joining us in our happiness. The older ones even reminisced all the mischief Dad and Chachu used to get up to.

It was such a lively atmosphere and it continued throughout the week as the whole house was cleaned and dusted and polished to welcome Ramadan. Instead of calling me to her room, Dadi started giving the lessons to the whole family after Maghrib to prepare us for the month ahead.

So we were all seated in the hall after Maghrib, young and old alike, anticipating Dadi's beautiful words. The last few days she had talked to us about how we should observe our fasts, and the bounties and blessings of Ramadan. She had gotten us all amped up for the next month. I couldn't wait to start fasting and work on some of my major flaws.

"Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuhu." Dadi said as she sat down on her chair.

"Wa alaikumasalaam warahmatullahi wa barakatuhu," everyone chorused.

I was seated comfortably next to Dad and Samir. It was the 29th of Sha'ban and everyone anticipated the sighting of the moon. If it would be sighted then the men would go to the Masjid for Taraweeh and the women would pray in congregation in the prayer room. Even the ayahs sat in attendance around the courtyard to listen to Dadi speak.

After making dua'a for all of us and seeking Allah's guidance, Dadi posed a question to us all.

"Why is Ramadan important?"

"Hmm... because we fast?" I quipped.

"Okay but we also observe nafl fasts throughout the year. What makes Ramadan so special?" Dadi questioned again.

"Because the Qur'an was revealed in it," Samir stated.

Dadi smiled, "Indeed. Ramadan is special because Allah's greatest act of love for mankind, the Qur'an was revealed in it. Ramadan is a time for us to celebrate the Qur'an, to ponder upon it, to strive to understand the gems of wisdom contained in it."

There was a chorus of 'Subhan Allah'.

"The Qur'an is the instruction manual to our life. It is the code of conduct which we should follow, it is the answer to every question mankind could possibly have. One of the parables of the Qur'an is an ocean. When we take a dive in the ocean we see a lot of its mysteries that are concealed deep within, we are amazed by the genius and wisdom of the Creator. And when we come out of the ocean there would only be droplets of that amazing ocean left on our body. Similarly every time we take a dive into the Qur'an we only come back with but droplets of its wisdom. And each time we get different droplets. Even if we spend a lifetime trying to study it we would still manage to take away so little."

Dadi paused for effect and you could almost hear everyone breathing because thats how immersed we all were in our thoughts. For me it felt like a magic spell would be broken if anybody made a sound. The enormity of Dadi's words had silenced us all. The beauty of what she had said left me speechless, the wisdom behind it was amazing.

By Allah, it is no wonder I find myself so changed over the course of such a small time. Dadi's words have such inspirational qualities that it would be hard to not acknowledge them. And she probably knew it too. All she had had asked me when I first came was to listen to what she had to tell me and I was free to do as I pleased. Barak Allah, she is gifted with the ability to inspire hope and love for the  deen in people's hearts.

"Ramadan is the time for us to recite the Qur'an as much as possible, and also to internalize what it means as well. It is the time for us to memorize as much of it as possible. It is the time to learn to live by the Qur'an and carry the lessons learnt forward to the next eleven months. Make the Qur'an your companion wherever you go. Listen to good recitations and tafsirs. Repeat over and over again. In doing so you are always being in conversation with Allah for the Qur'an is the speech of Allah."

"Ramadan is also the time for believers to perfect their characters and their faith. The better your Iman the more people would be drawn to the deen of Islam because of you. Iman has been likened to a lamp in Surat-un-Noor. The lamp doesn't just burn away oil, it lights up the darkness. People are drawn towards its light. That is what the Iman in your heart should do. Spread the message of the deen as far as possible, to as many people as possible."

As Dadi stopped, I took a moment to look at everyone's face. There was joy and peace, hope and determination, resolution and most important of all love in their eyes. All of us had fallen in love with what Dadi said and we were happy because of it. We were determined to make the next thirty days count as much as possible towards our Aakhira.

"So this is what I want my family to do. Ultimately it is your choice to act on my advice or not. Do what you think would contribute to your good deeds which would lead you to Jannah. May Allah make this Ramadan productive for all of us. May He forgive all our sins and guide us to righteousness. I pray that after this Ramadan you would all come out feeling a little bit more closer to the Qur'an than you were before. Barak Allahu li walakum, Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu."

After returning her Salam the family slowly dispersed. There was only Di, Dadi and I left. Di gave me a knowing smile as we both drew closer to Dadi and sat by her feet on the floor. I took Dadi's hand and kissed it and she smiled at me while stroking my hair.

"Dadi you're so amazing! How do you manage to do that? Say such beautiful things?" I gushed.

"Barak Allahu Feeki! I know right. Sometimes your words just blow my mind away!" Di exclaimed.

Dadi chuckled.

"It is all Allah's blessing my dear girls. And then I am so desperate to see all my family in Jannah that I'd do my best to nudge you all in the right direction."

Her words warmed my heart. Both of us were hugging her all at once and laughing and smiling and just feeling so happy. We were in this state when we heard the Takbir from the local Masjid.

'Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, La ilaaha illa Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar wa Lillahil hamd'

"Oh Alhamdulilah!" Di and I chimed together.

And we hugged Dadi again saying with gleeful escalations of Ramadan Mubarak. The whole family was back in the hall an everyone exchanged hugs and greetings. There was so much happiness that I was scared it would all go away in a second. It was just so overwhelming, I could feel my heart swell with emotion.

"I'm so excited Di!" I said hugging her tightly.

"I don't think I'd be able to sleep tonight because of the excitement." Di responded.

The men said their salaams and left for the Masjid. Dadi retreated to her room to prepare for salah and the rest of us followed suit. And when I was so excited for praying and reciting and fasting, I was greeted with the most depressing thing.

I couldn't pray.

Imagine building yourself up with all these aspirations and ideas and intentions to meet the upcoming month of blessings. Imagine how high you'd feel spiritually. And then imagine crashing down from that height all the way, plummeting at full speed.

Imagine how depressed and down you'd feel.

I was experiencing that feeling in real time. When Di came looking for me I hastily managed to wipe away the tears of frustration from my face. But Di could still see through. She was by my side in a moment.

"Oh Juni! It's okay sweetie. Happens to everybody," She said, trying to console me.

"All of you are praying and going to fast tomorrow. I'm the only one who cannot do the same. I feel robbed." I said harshly.

To her credit, Di did not even flinch. And I continued to rant.

"You know what Di, I used to look forward to the one week every month when I didn't have to worry about convincing my parents I prayed even if I did not actually pray. I used to enjoy being able to eat for a week during Ramadan. And now when I'm so eager to fast and pray and recite Qur'an and do so much more, I can't. I don't know if I'm angry more or sad. This is so annoying!"

She waited patiently until I was done. I knew I was being a brat and complaining like a kid. But I needed to release my feelings somewhere and Di was being the perfect punch bag.

"Juni you believe in Qadr right? You have faith in Allah's will?" Di asked.

Her kind eyes were focused on mine as she held my face in her hands tenderly. I merely nodded in response as she continued to gaze at me with compassion. Di smiled.

"Sweetie even this stupid monthly thing is written in Qadr. It is not something that comes and goes of its own free will. Like everything else in the body it too requires Allah's permission to begin and to end. To wish it had not happened would mean you're refuting your fate."

Digesting Di's words took some time. They made perfect sense in the end though. But I was still feeling blue.

"Don't look so sad Juni. You can still make lots of duaa and dhikr. And they are a believer's most powerful tools. They help you grow real close to Allah Azza wa Jal. So in the next week even if you cannot do any of the main ibaadah, make duaa and dhikr. And you can also listen to lectures on Youtube and learn new things. Don't be sad. Ramadan is a month of hope."

I didn't have any response to what Di said. So I simply hugged her and fell asleep soon after.

Di was kind of enough to wake me for suhoor so that I could still have the experience of fasting. Even if I still had remnants of bitterness in me, I kept reminding myself of what Di told me.

One of the perks of Ramadan was that school was let out earlier than usual. Samar and I got home a little bit after Zuhr. After resting a bit I usually went down to sit by Dadi and continue my lessons in recitation of Qur'an. I was slowly gaining progress and my recitation flowed much more smoothly than before. Dadi always motivated me with the hadith which narrates that a person who recites Qur'an with difficulty will get twice the reward as someone who recites it ease.

After Asr, I ended up going to the kitchen and helping out or baking one of my own special treats for the family. Apart from iftaar it is actually one of my favorite times of the day. The ayahs were always caring and sweet and they kept a constant flow of dhikr at times which was lovely to hear.

Iftaar was the actual fun time. Everyone would assemble at the dining table five minutes before Azaan. Most of the adults would be making lots of duaa as it is one of those times when no prayers are rejected. The funny part was watching all the boys trying to control themselves in front of the food spread out. Safwan and Marwan had especially silly faces as they forced themselves to wait.

And then upon the call of Azaan they'd start gorging. Goodness!

Luckily Dadi put a stop to it. Or they would have eaten themselves to death.

The first seven days were hard for me. I came to accept my fate in time though. And on the 8th day of Ramadan I was so excited. It was my first true fast and I couldn't contain my happiness.

As Ramadan progressed the whole aura of spirituality just kept rising in the house. No one fought or lost their tempers. Even the two little monsters were under control. Qur'an recitation could be heard at all times. Our discussions were often centered around the deen and we just loved sharing whatever we learned with each other.

While the adults had their own conversations, us cousins made it a point to join together and have meaningful conversations every day. Sometimes even Zaid and his sisters joined us. Whenever they came the boys and girls had separate gatherings. It was nothing formal and yet we learned something new every day.

Every single day was beautiful. Feeling tired and wanting it to be Maghrib sooner were part of these days too. As were exams and schoolwork a headache.

But at the end of the day, I went to bed peaceful and content.

As the days dwindled by, I was sad too. Soon we'd have to bid goodbye to this Ramadan and hope we would live to see the next one.

***

I hope it was worth the month long wait.

Love,

Ann.