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23rd July, 2019

"Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or else keep silent ..."

[Al Bukhari]

Chapter 7:

In pursuit of love without a destination

"Is everything alright?"

Rufaida couldn't hold back her concern as the question that whirled around her mind finally slipped through her tongue. Uncomfortable and tense moments weren't new in the household, Rufaida had grown up being a witness to all of it, to the extent that most of the time she kept her curiosity to herself, unwilling to meddle in her Maami's matters. However, she couldn't get off her mind over everything that was happening, and she needed to know if things were in control, although, she wouldn't be surprised if they weren't.

Confirming her thoughts, her Nani started, "It's been a week since they visited us."

"I'm aware of that," Rufaida nodded.

"No reply obviously means..." she trailed off.

"That they aren't interested in taking things forward," Rufaida finished.

"Exactly. The minute I saw that girl's mother, Zainab, I knew she wouldn't get her daughter married in our household and my theory was confirmed today. However, looks like Afreen wasn't willing to go with her parent's decision, because earlier in the afternoon Zubair got a call saying she tried to take her life by slitting her wrist."

The unexpected turn of events surprised Rufaida to the extent that she hung by a thin thread of sanity, on the last string of sense. In the way she gasped, bringing her hand to her mouth as she took a step back, trying to wrap her mind around the fact that Afreen actually acted upon such a ridiculous idea in the name of love, anyone could say this girl who wasn't new to shocks, was flabbergasted this time.

"She actually tried to kill herself?" She verbalized, the intensity of the situation sinking in.

"Even I can't believe it," her Nani nodded.

"How is she now? How is her family? I cannot imagine what they must be going through."

"The moment Zubair received the news, he rushed to the hospital, but her brother spotted him before he could reach her ward and made sure that Zubair wouldn't so much as go close to his sister. We have no clue how she is."

"I cannot wrap my mind around this," Rufaida exhaled, her eyes aimlessly searching through the tiles of the floor as her mind ran a mile a minute. "I just hope she is okay."

"In sha Allah," her Nani agreed.

If Rufaida, someone who hadn't even met Afreen yet was shocked, nothing needed to be said about the loved ones around Afreen who had seen her grow before their eyes. Ibrahim, Zainab, Raiyyan, Tammara, as well as Ahmed waited desperately outside Afreen's ward, unsure of what to even think anymore. The person in the ward couldn't be Afreen, the very sight of blood made her unconscious, to think that she'd decide to take the step to bleed herself to death, it was unreal.

As if on cue, the doctor stepped out and the entire family gazed at him in anticipation, eyes wide and heart beating furiously.

"When you brought her here Afreen had lost a lot of blood, she was in a very critical state. Had she been left to bleed that way for a few more minutes, we wouldn't be able to save her. Call it great timing or a miracle, but she's stable now, you all can relax. She's still unconscious, but you can meet her in a couple of hours."

"She's going to be alright, Doctor?"

"She's going to be perfectly fine, don't worry Mr. Ibrahim. She's stable and recovering."

"Thank you, Doctor."

"You're welcome, Mr. Ibrahim," he nodded. "I'll see you in a couple of hours."

The storm of grief was finally replaced with a wave of hope, the family still in their state of shock, but this time their hearts bowing in gratitude.

"Mamma," Tammara consoled her mother in law, unable to take in Zainab's state. "In sha Allah, Afreen's going to be fine, don't worry."

"When Ahmed opened the door and we saw her in that state, I couldn't believe she was my daughter, never thought my child would forget her parents and their upbringing, all the years of love we gave her over a guy who would move on the next day if something did happen to her."

"We'll make her understand, Mamma. In sha Allah she'll listen to us," Tammara soothed.

"She isn't going to listen to anyone," Zainab replied, staring into distance.

Tammara turned to look at Ahmed, his white t shirt still stained with Afreen's blood from when he had carried her to the car, and she didn't even want to know what was going on in his mind. Ahmed always gave off a happy vibe but he was actually really sensitive, and to think that his twin had, in a way betrayed all of them by taking this step, she literally didn't know what to do anymore.

Yet, if she may admit, Tammara felt inadequate. She mentally was stricken with guilt to think what would have gone in Afreen's mind for her to have taken such a huge step. How she wished she could have helped her cousin, how Tam hoped that she could have lightened her burden, eased her turmoil but alas, the deed was done. Afreen wasn't like this, she was such a sweetheart otherwise, and in spite of the image that was currently portrayed, Tammara believed the girl all of them knew still existed, perhaps clouded under layers of stubbornness. She just needed help, she had to be told that they weren't her enemies, she needed to know all of them only wanted the best for her.

"You okay?" She asked, walking up to Raiyyan as he stood against the wall next to the door of Afreen's ward.

He sighed in reply, glancing at his parents' and when Tammara followed his gaze, she felt her heart break some more. Zainab was still in the state she had left her, but it was Ibrahim, the love for his daughter in his eyes and the agony visible in the lines of his creased forehead that made her terribly remorseful. The entire world aside, but if Tammara knew one thing, it was that Ibrahim did not deserve this, not after seeing him as such a doting dad to his children. He did not deserve an inch of the pain he was going through.

She gently patted Raiyyan's arm, sliding her hand down as she intertwined her fingers with his. "We'll get through this, in sha Allah. Allah is with us," she assured.

He squeezed her hand in reply and whispered, "In sha Allah."

"Talk to Ahmed, Ray. It looks like he's being strong and holding it all together but I'm sure he's completely shattered. To have seen Afreen in her own blood, that image must be haunting him. Make him feel better," she advised.

"I'll talk to him, Tammy, but not now. I know him, he's like me, when we're really upset, we want to be left to ourselves for some time."

Although she thought Ahmed needed some warmth, Tammara only nodded in reply, unwilling to force her husband any further, knowing full well that he was already hurting.

***

After the news that Afreen was doing okay had calmed their building nerves, Raiyyan asked Ibrahim to go home with Zainab, insisting that it was futile to wait since they weren't allowed to meet Afreen anytime soon. Ibrahim initially resisted but for the sake of his wife, he agreed.

"Ahmed, you want to go home with Mamma and Abbu? Rest for a while," Raiyyan suggested but the younger brother only shook his head in refusal.

"I'm good, let them carry on."

"Okay," Raiyyan agreed. Turning to look at his mum, he said, "Mamma, please calm down, okay? We'll find a way out of this in sha Allah. Don't spoil your health worrying, Allah already has a plan."

When Zainab glanced away, her eyes filling with unshed tears, Tammara went close to her, and wrapping her arm around her shoulder, she whispered, "Abbu is really hurt by this, Mamma. You have to stay strong for him."

She took in a shaky breath, unable to explain her turmoil, and instead asked, "How's Fariha doing?"

"She didn't cry as much as she did during the previous vaccination, alhamdulilah. We were at Mum's place when we got your call, so decided to leave her there before heading to the hospital. Mum had called earlier, said Fariha was still sleeping. She wanted to come see you and Afreen, so did Furqaan Bhai and Bhabhi, but I told them not to. They said they'll visit us once Afreen returns home."

Zainab nodded and proposed, "Come with us if you want to, we can pick Fariha on the way and the two of you can also rest. You must be tired, you've been out of home since morning."

As tempting as the suggestion was, especially since she was constantly worried about Fariha for she wasn't used to leaving her alone for so many hours together, Tammara quickly turned it down, unwilling to leave Raiyyan in this state.

Thus, leaving the children behind, Ibrahim and Zainab made their way home, to a place that currently held gruesome memories, happier moments scarred by its intensity.

"Ahmed, Afreen is alright, you can relax now," Tammara advised, after long moments of silence.

"I'm fine, Tam," he answered instantly.

"Yeah you look perfectly fine, Ahmed, sorry, my bad," Tam replied, trying to get him out of the sullen mood.

"Exactly my point, perfectly fine," he shrugged.

"You're hungry," she noted.

"And so am I," Raiyyan pitched in. "Come on Ahmed, let's see what's on the menu."

"You eat, Bhai, I don't want to."

"Just come with us, Ahmed. At least grab a smoothie or something, come on, you don't look nice refusing an offer for food."

"I don't-"

"We're not listening to you," Tam interrupted and stood up, while Raiyyan walked ahead, patting Ahmed's back as he ushered him with them.

Honestly, none of them were in mood for food, especially not in the hospital premises when their sister lay there unconscious. However, at the same time, they had to eat for the other's sake, knowing full well that if they threw a tantrum, it would discourage the rest from eating. And since family meant taking care of everyone's wellbeing and not making selfish decisions, they put aside their personal preferences while looking at the bigger picture. Only if Afreen could also have understood that theory, things would have been so different...

Seeing Ahmed awfully quiet as he nibbled on a sandwich for the sake of it, Raiyyan and Tam shared a glance before the latter informed, "I'm not getting coverage here, I'll just walk up outside and see what Fariha's doing back at home."

"We're right here, come fast, Tam," Raiyyan spoke aloud and sharing a meaningful glance with him, she stepped out.

When the two brothers were left to themselves, Raiyyan analyzed Ahmed for a few seconds and finally said, "Ahmed, don't mentally torture yourself, I know what you're thinking. Listen," he called, and when the younger one finally met his gaze, he spoke with all sincerity, "It was not your fault. None of us could have guessed Afreen's move, don't beat yourself for it, okay? You tried your best, but you are not responsible for her action. Don't even think that way."

When he remained quiet, Raiyyan prodded, "You listening to me, Ahmed?"

He only nodded in reply, unable to word his thoughts.

"But Bhai, you're feeling the same way, aren't you?" Ahmed finally spoke, knowing just how alike the two were. "You too wished you could have provided her a safe zone so she could come to you before committing such a deed, right? I don't know," he shrugged, his voice getting hoarse, "I feel let down, not sure if it's by myself or Afreen."

"A part of me also feels the same, Ahmed," Raiyyan confessed. "I let myself down too, but for the life of me, I cannot understand what I could have done. I think I should have asked Mamma to take it easy with her and not jump into another proposal while Afreen was still hung over that guy, but Mamma wasn't seeing reason and Afreen wasn't budging either. It was a complicated mess and I could have done so much more but I still don't know how much was in my hand, nobody was ready to think rationally. I don't have a solution to this but if there's anything, we need to stop taking things in our hand. Allah has a plan, we can't be hasty to find out what it is, it will unfold in right time."

"I don't know where we're headed from here," Ahmed spoke. "Our parents have seen so many dreams for Afreen since she is the only daughter, but I'm afraid they aren't going to be fulfilled. Her action today shows just how invested she is in that douche, and nothing we say is going to convince her. Abbu and Mamma may also give in to her demands, an unhappy daughter is better than a dead daughter, I suppose," Ahmed said, and although his words were harsh, the betrayal he felt was evident in his voice.

"And yet seeing her unhappy will kill us every day," Raiyyan added, bluntly agreeing to Ahmed. "I'll speak to Afreen, Ahmed. She just needs extra love from us, she's my little sister and I cannot see her take a decision that leads to a chaotic end. I suggest let's not raise this topic yet, I'm just glad that she's doing fine, nothing else matters to me in this moment."

"I wish she knew the love that she's trampling while running behind a love she's seeking will never reach her if it isn't written for her."

"When you choose to close your eyes, you cannot see light, Ahmed."

"Honestly, Bhai, I'm scared for her, and her decisions. Above everything I'm scared by the fact that living in a delusional world, she is committing an action that may earn her the displeasure of Allah and that is serious business."

"She needs help, Ahmed, we have to win her by kindness, our anger isn't going to help."

"I don't know, Bhai, I don't know anything anymore," Ahmed sighed instead, just as Tammara walked in.

"How's Fariha doing?" Raiyyan enquired, quickly shifting the topic. "She isn't used to staying away from you."

"Yeah, that's why I'm so worried. Mum says she woke up crying a while back but then she was okay when they handed over her bottle of milk. Sulaiman and Humayra are also entertaining her with their toys now, so she's okay. I could hear her giggles over the phone," she smiled.

"Alhamdulilah, that's a relief."

"Yeah," Tam agreed. "You okay, Ahmedi?" She quickly checked up on her younger cousin.

"All good," he smiled half heartedly, while giving her a thumbs up.

"Good," she smiled back. "I think we should head back up to Afreen, in case she's awake, she'll get worried if she doesn't find any family members around," she later suggested as the three made their way upstairs.

When it was finally time to meet Afreen, Ahmed chose to stay away, and trying not to push it, Raiyyan and Tam entered her ward.

It was extremely painful to see the once cheery girl now on that hospital bed, almost lifeless as she looked ahead with hollow eyes. Afreen wasn't looking at them and despite the number of accusations that everyone held against her, Tam for one knew this situation demanded patience.

"Aaf," she whispered, not sure when Raiyyan stopped in his tracks as she continued walking ahead. "We're so glad that you're alright, alhamdulilah," she verbalized, gently placing her hand on her back as she rubbed it soothingly.

"Does it hurt a lot?" She further questioned, seeing her bandaged hand and Afreen turned to look at her, her eyes glassy.

"Not as much as I hurt all of you," she finally replied, a stray tear trickling down her cheek. "Are Mamma and Abbu so upset that they don't even want to see me?"

"No silly," Tammara quickly denied the thought. "You know how much they love you, they weren't willing to leave your side. Raiyyan forcefully sent them home, asking them to rest."

"I didn't mean to..." She started. "I couldn't understand anything, didn't know what to do," she fumbled.

"It's okay, Afreen," Tam comforted. "Life gave you a second chance, you can still make all the wrongs right. What happened, happened, your future is what you make it to be, stop over thinking."

Like everyone else, a tiny part in Tam was just as angry with Afreen for taking such a major step, but she didn't want Afreen to know that, at least not now when she was hurting physically and emotionally with her thoughts all over the place. She needed time, and perhaps someone who could understand her.

"Raiyyan Bhai," she called, turning to look at her elder brother. "I'm sorry," she apologized, biting her lip, causing him to melt with just one glance. He walked over to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, as she hugged him with one hand and cried into his shirt.

"Shh," he soothed. "It's okay, stop crying, Afreen."

His warmth made her cry some more, and he didn't stop her this time, letting her get rid of all the pent up emotion.

When it was finally time to leave, much to Raiyyan and Tammara's surprise, they realized Ahmed hadn't waited to meet Afreen and the minute he found out she had gained consciousness, he chose to drive back home. Although the move left him slightly shocked, Raiyyan chose to remain silent, knowing full well that Ahmed needed time, and space to get over this tragic turn of event that Afreen had chosen for herself.

It was later in the night when they returned home, and as Tam held Afreen on the way, Raiyyan followed them behind, carrying a very enthusiastic Fariha, whom they had picked up on the way.

"Assalamu alaikum," they greeted upon reaching the living room, but Afreen's eyes remained downcast.

The parents replied to the greeting, their eyes gazing at their most cherished treasure, the same jewel who had proved this afternoon that their feelings were of little importance as she marched ahead to attain fake glitter disguised as gold.

"What did the doctor say?" Ibrahim enquired, his tired eyes turning to look at Raiyyan.

"Alhamdulilah, Afreen is fine. She's become weak with all the blood loss and needs rest and good nutrition, but apart from that she's okay, alhamdulilah."

"Alhamdulilah," Ibrahim nodded.

"You must be hungry," Zainab spoke, "The food is ready, eat and then rest, the two of you have had a long and tiring day."

Seeing Zainab address him and his wife, as she blatantly ignored Afreen, Raiyyan spoke, "Mamma, Afreen is extremely sorry for what she did, please forgive her. She has promised to never take such a step again."

At the statement, Zainab, who was earlier headed towards the kitchen, decided to sit beside her husband, hopelessly hoping that perhaps this tragedy must have helped Afreen gain her senses.

"Abbu, Mamma," Afreen started, ashamed. "I'm extremely sorry, I didn't mean to put you through that torture. I didn't know what to do, I love him a lot, I didn't want to consider the guy you said was coming to-"

"Tammara?"

Tam jerked up at Ibrahim's voice that cut Afreen off, and when she turned to look at her father in law, she realized his eyes were locked with Zainab's, both of them communicating a decision, which, for sure was very painful for them.

"Jee?" Tammara enquired politely, her gaze flickering towards Raiyyan who looked equally clueless.

"Call Zubair's mother tomorrow and tell her we accept their proposal. Ask her for a day when she'd like to come visit Afreen and also finalize the wedding dates."

Everyone looked on as Ibrahim stood up and headed towards his room, the coldness of his tone and the abruptness of the announcement rendering them speechless.

This is what Afreen had wanted all this while, and now that it was finally hers, why didn't it feel complete?

***

"Mamaji, I was making garlic bread, but I didn't know I was using salted cheese and by mistake added salt. Now it's become extremely salty, should I mix the unsalted cheese with it? Will it balance the taste... "

Amrit paused for some time, listening to her mum on the other end before rolling her eyes. "I'm making garlic bread Mamaji, I can't chop capsicum and carrot and add to it, it'll change the whole dish."

She halted again before adding, "What do you mean that's the only way to balance the salt? Come on, there has to be another solution without changing my entire dish."

"Amrit," Rufaida called, sighing after listening to the previous conversation. "Stop troubling your mum all the way in Punjab. I'm done preparing my dish, come I'll help you."

Bidding her mum goodbye, Amrit turned to look at her friend. "If our teacher finds out you're helping me again, it'll earn us another lecture like last time."

"That's going to happen anyway if she catches you on the phone, pleading your mum to balance the salt in your dish," Rufaida replied in a matter of fact tone.

"Yeah whatever," she answered, agreeing to the truth before they went about fixing her dish.

One of their majors this semester was QFP - Quantity Food Production and as part of the practical, they were supposed to prepare food in bulk and then sell it to students in campus during lunch break. Their work also included buying ingredients, deciding their quantity, framing the menu, drawing a plan, managing the costs, advertising in advance and attracting the crowd to come purchase food from them. It was a lot of work but it was a group activity and they enjoyed doing it together.

Now, as they carried the food from their kitchen labs to the makeshift stalls, which were mostly benches covered in decent covers in a strategic place of the campus where students swarmed during lunch break, Rufaida felt adrenaline pump through her veins. She loved this whole thing, cooking, serving, managing the expenses and making sure their dishes sold out by the end of the lunch hour, she enjoyed all of it to the fullest!

It wasn't long before students flocked towards the stalls by the Nutrition department, and while some chose to munch on varieties her classmates had cooked up, others visited the food stall headed by Rufaida, ordering for a full course meal or only dessert.

Halfway through the lunch hour, the demand was more than they expected, which resulted in all of them working in full speed as they fulfilled their customers' orders. It was around that time when a guy came up asking for a full meal, and when his order was fulfilled, he handed over money for it.

"I'm sorry, but do you have change?" Rufaida enquired, scanning through the box that held the food cash, to only find three or four digit bills.

He glanced through his wallet, and shook his head. "Ah, I don't."

Just as Rufaida was about to approach Kiran to fetch change from the other group, another guy, who she assumed was his friend, came to stand beside him.

"Hilal, you done, bro?" He asked.

"Almost," he replied. "They don't have change," he further added.

The conversation playing in the background, after Kiran had rushed to quickly fetch the remaining amount that needed to be paid, Rufaida turned to look at the friend who had just arrived, her stomach twisting at the sight of the guy she wished could forever remain a stranger.

She looked away faster than the milliseconds it took them to register who the other was.

"You know what," Ahmed told his friend. "Let her keep the change."

"What?" Hilal questioned, bemused.

"She probably needs it more," Ahmed shrugged, his tone bitter.

"You don't know what you're saying," Hilal accused, slightly embarrassed by his friend's rude behavior.

"I know what I'm saying," Ahmed replied confidently, unapologetic.

Rufaida momentarily gazed at Ahmed, unable to believe what she just heard. His remark and its implication stung her, those words fired as bullets causing the intended damage.

"Excuse me," Rufaida finally interrupted, her neutral tone not giving away her thoughts. "Here's your change, hope you enjoy the meal," she wished Hilal while looking away and greeting her next customer.

"Bro, what was that," she heard Hilal ask as he walked away with Ahmed. Not waiting to hear his reply and choosing to shut them out completely, Rufaida turned to look at Amrit.

"What was that?" Her friend repeated, her eyes snapping in anger. "How dare he speak to you like that?"

"I don't know," Rufaida replied, and dismissing the conversation, she added, "I need to use the washroom, can you'll manage without me for a while?"

"Sure."

Smiling at her friend in gratitude, Rufaida closed her glassy eyes and walked away, away from a world that was capable of giving her nothing but pain.

____________________________________________

Phew! This chapter finally set the stage for all the drama/ the main plot/ the exciting stuff in sha Allah. Are you readyyy?