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11th Jan 2021

I've been away for five whole months, and not a day went by when I didn't think of this book and its precious readers. I least expected for the gap between two updates to stretch this far, but I am genuinely grateful for your patience, concerned comments and prayers. I pray Allah rewards you and your family in abundance. The past few months have been chaotic, but I hope all of you are doing well. May Allah keep you in His protection, always <3

"Allah is the Guardian of those who believe, He brings them out of every darkness into light."

[Surah Baqarah]

Chapter 22:

Confessions that hang in the air

"Ahmed, how are you placed tomorrow?"

Descending the stairs, in tracks and a tee, Ahmed stopped by his mother, and looked up from his phone.

"I've got a meeting in the morning, Mamma, have a few people come over to discuss the possibility of a franchise, in sha Allah," he informed as he walked to the dining table and grabbed an apple.

"I'll be ready in the morning, then, take me with you?" Afreen proposed, looking up from where she had been busy brush lettering.

"Well, no," Ahmed immediately denied. "You just dropped by last week, what's the need to come again?"

"You're so rude, Ahmed," she accused.

"Glad you think so for that's exactly what I intended to be," he smiled, satisfied. "Let's hope you'll cancel your plans in such a case?"

Rolling her eyes at her brother and his mood swings, Afreen answered, "With or without you, I'm still coming. I'll just request Raiyyan Bhai to drop me."

Realizing she wasn't going to budge, he questioned, "What exactly do you have to do with Zaika?"

"I have a few people to meet," she answered casually, a smile on her lips.

Annoyed with everyone and everything in general, Ahmed, who wasn't in the best of moods, replied, "Just so you know, Afreen, my staff gets paid for their services, it's unethical for them to chitchat with visitors during their working hours."

Knowing her brother and certain this was his tactic to discourage her from putting her plans into actions, Afreen coolly replied, "Never mind then, I'll drop by in the evening once your staff has finished their schedule and they can entertain friends without any interference from the salty Boss."

Sighing at his twin, Ahmed turned to his mother, only to find her already analyzing him.

"What's up with you?" She inquired, her eyebrows scrunched. "Why are you in a bad mood?"

"He's probably landed himself in a lovely mess," Afreen giggled.

"It's nothing, Mamma," Ahmed mumbled, glaring at his twin. "You tell me, what are your plans for tomorrow?" He further questioned, in an attempt to divert attention from him.

"Please keep yourself free in the evening, Ahmed, I'm hosting a kitty party tomorrow in sha Allah and most of my friends are invited. Najma will be accompanied by her daughter Shaina, she's a lovely girl, and I'm hoping you could briefly see her, in a very informal setting and let me know what you think. I have a feeling you will find her as good as I think she is, and then we can consult your father and proceed formally."

The minute Zainab delivered those words, Afreen bit her tongue, restraining her thoughts that were just about to spill, and instead waited for a reaction from Ahmed. This was the moment she was about to receive a confirmation of her theory and she couldn't ruin it. Anything that Ahmed portrayed henceforth would give her a quick preview of his thoughts, and God knew how desperate she was for it.

"I have a few commitments in the evening, Mamma," Ahmed stated, his tone as cool as a cucumber and Afreen almost envied him for putting up an act this effortlessly, without giving anyone the slightest hint about what was playing in his mind.

"I'm sure you can take out some time for this too, Ahmed," Zainab reasoned. "You can't be too busy to meet a girl who could possibly be your future wife. How are you going to find someone if you cancel every chance you get to meet a girl and rush to work instead? Certainly, you can't expect Allah to send you your future wife at Zaika in between a meeting, can you? Silly guy."

Afreen chuckled at her mother's words only to have Ahmed shoot her a look of annoyance.

"What?" She shrugged, "I think it's funny how Mamma worded that," she grinned. "Imagine you go to work one day after having prayed to Allah for good provision, and you're sitting there fixing important business deals, and you glance towards the door and boom! It's your future wife. At least you can say Allah answered your dua, after all, the best provision in this world is a righteous wife, and you did pray for both, didn't you?"

"Umm..." Ahmed drawled. "You're not exactly making sense, Afreen."

"I'm sure Mamma understood what I'm saying."

Dismissing her children's banter, Zainab announced, "So Ahmed, tomorrow 5 p.m. I'll see you here. And Afreen, in case I'm busy, make sure you show Ahmed who Shaina is," she instructed.

"Sure, Mamma, I'll do that," Afreen replied, giving her brother a helpless smile.

Zainab went on to monitor tasks in the kitchen and Ahmed, tired of spending the entire day in his room while strangled in his thoughts, decided to now have a change of ambiance and sit in the living room instead. But did that mean his thoughts wouldn't throttle him anymore?

Nah, absolutely not.

"Ahmed, well I have to warn you, you may not find Shaina your type," Afreen finally proclaimed, interrupting the calm silence after a few minutes.

"Oh sucks man, I was hoping she would be wifey material," Ahmed commented sarcastically, maddened with the entire world in general.

"You're usually the one ruffling others' feathers, so it's nice to see you all tousled and worked up today," Afreen teased unapologetically. In a comparatively sober tone, she then continued, "But honestly, Shaina is a wonderful girl, she's really soft-hearted and kind. The only reason I think you both aren't compatible is that she's not as righteous as you want your partner to be. She doesn't practice the hijab, and I don't mean this in a judgemental way, she is God-fearing and for all you know, she's better than you. I'm saying this because I know you're particular about modesty and the hijab, of course for good reason, and I believe guys who are specific about this criterion should make sure they marry girls who fit into it. Instead of getting married to someone who doesn't practice the hijab and then forcing her to adorn one after the wedding, just make life simple and marry someone who already practices it and won't be forced into it. The same applies to other aspects, including work. If you don't want your wife to work after getting married, don't marry a working woman and then impose your rules on her. You may be right in your reasoning and your opinions may spark from Islamic teachings, but everyone is at a different chapter in life and you can't force them to obey Allah the way you do. Don't set too many standards for your future spouse, but if you're serious about them fitting some values you hold on to strongly, then make sure you find someone who is on the same page as you."

Ahmed turned to look at his twin, and for the first time in his sullen mood, his lips curved upwards at the maturity and wisdom in her words. "I was just wondering how I'd dodge this proposal, thanks for giving me a valid excuse, Aaf."

"Do you realize your one statement validated so many of my assumptions?" Afreen questioned, shaking her head solemnly as if she were a lawyer collecting clues.

"As if you needed any confirmation to certify the story you've cooked up in your head," Ahmed huffed, not bothered about letting out a secret that his mood had already revealed.

"Oh, that's also true," she nodded, grinning at the unofficial confession.

"I still wonder how you kind of figured this all out, I mean even Hilal needed clues to reach the root, and you put two and two even before I fully registered it myself. You're lightning swift."

Any other day, Afreen would have zoomed to the clouds at the compliment, but right now, she was so mad.

"You chose to discuss this with your best friend first instead of your only sister?" She seethed.

Smiling at the reaction, Ahmed coolly replied, "Haven't you heard, Misters before sisters?"

"That does not even make sense, and just so you know, it's sisters before misters and not the other way round. You can't take something so out of context, how haven't you been punished yet for such a grave crime?"

"Oh I see, you girls come up with all these taglines to devalue us guys and think it's cute. But when we start doing the same, suddenly it doesn't make sense? The hypocrisy," he huffed.

"Whatever, Ahmed, are you going to tell me what was Hilal's take on all this?"

"He asked me to, and I quote, 'shoot your shot'."

"Now that is a good friend," Afreen approved. "I always knew he was the sensible one between you two, and that's exactly why I always pitied him, God knows what that poor guy did to be stuck with you since childhood."

Snorting at the statement, Ahmed clarified, "Just so you know, he considers himself blessed to have a friend like me."

"Liar," Afreen rebuked.

"Sachchi," Ahmed reemphasized, pinching his throat in all seriousness like the little town guys did when they laced their fib with innocence.

"So, Ahmed, back to business," Afreen clapped her hands, ignoring his previous statement as she attempted to bring her divergent brother on track. "What's the plan?"

"I don't have one," he confessed, a sudden serious edge to his tone, a stark contrast to the playful mood he had earlier gotten into. "The feelings have just settled and now I don't know what to do with them. This is not all sunshine and roses, this involves hearts and emotions and it isn't less than a battleground, one that threatens to lead to bloodshed erupting from breaking hearts."

Contrary to previous discussions, Afreen nodded her head this time. "I agree, this is serious and cluttered, and we may lose more than we gain. But Ahmed, better than living with the possibility of what if all your life, strive towards it instead. Pray istikhaara, ask Allah to guide you and ease your affairs. Seek His help and at least take the first step towards turning your dream into reality. You may be defeated, but, there's a slight possibility that you can also emerge victorious. Trying and losing is better than not trying at all."

"Breaking this to mum will initiate a storm at home, and yet, that's secondary. The question is even if I'd go through the trouble of surviving the harsh waves, as difficult and as nearly impossible it is, will the girl in question accept my proposal? What if she does not reciprocate my feelings, thinks I'm demented to even think something like this?" He spoke aloud his fears, and he wore such a lost puppy expression, Afreen had the sudden urge to hug him.

A few minutes later, a thought struck her, and h er eyes dancing with excitement, she replied, "Something tells me Rufaida has embarked on the journey that will eventually lead her to you, in sha Allah."

Narrowing his eyes suspiciously at his sister's statement, Ahmed insisted on proof. "What makes you say so?"

"Rufaida as a person is tremendously simple and enormously complex, both at the same time. She keeps men at a hundred-mile radius, but that's because she's never met a man who values her. Her heart is made of gold and stardust, and in a way, she knows her worth, and is unwilling to let anyone capable of breaking it gain access to her most prized possession. But I know you, Ahmed, and you're everything that she could ever dream of, but wouldn't give herself the liberty to. It is going to be a little too ambitious of us to hope for her to confess her feelings in one go, but if we start the conversation and give it time, I know in my heart that she will realize where you stand in her life. I don't want to give you false hope, but I'm positive of this, in sha Allah. I may be wrong, but my last encounter with her and the tinge I caught her cheeks color into when I said you've spoken highly of her to us, it definitely means something. I may be wrong and reading too much, but how I wish I'm right."

Ahmed turned his face away at what Afreen insinuated, his throat clogging up now that his wishes were finally being given a direction. Could it be that Rufaida, who had so easily made a home for herself in his heart, also had reserved space for him in hers? Even the slightest possibility of it made his heart leap out of his chest, he could only imagine the happiness he'd feel if the assumption turned true.

He despised this feeling, to be on edge and hopeful when there was nothing to hold onto on the other end, and yet it was the only string that kept him grounded and optimistic. The slight likelihood of the journey that would lead to a sweet destination helped him momentarily ignore the thorns that the path was laced with.

"I'll speak to Rufaida tomorrow," Afreen thought aloud.

"What? No! You better not tell her all this Afreen, I'm warning you."

"Oh come on, I can't wait for her to know that my brother is head over heels for her, and blushes like a teenage boy every time her name is mentioned," she jested.

"Gross," Ahmed gagged, "I don't blush, yuck."

"Sure, sure, you can tell her the same tomorrow after I've said my side of the story. Come to think of it, I could just call her now," she realized, as she picked her phone in all seriousness and was just about to dial the number when Ahmed shot up from where he was seated and grabbed it from her grasp.

"Have you lost it, Afreen?" He asked, panicked.

Afreen laughed aloud at his brother's shaken form, finding humor in his expression.

"Relax, I was just kidding," she chortled and huffing, Ahmed got up and walked to his room, not before tossing a throw pillow at his twin for almost giving him a heart attack.

As if Rufaida wasn't enough to do the job already.

***

At some point in life, you've got to grow out of your childhood fears. You have to allow the trauma, the pain and the ache to teach you lessons, and when they've served their purpose and you've found your path back to Allah, seeking healing from Him, you have to let them leave you. You can't allow them to stay forever, you deserve a life of contentment, one that cannot be achieved if you make your fears your companion.

These were the thoughts playing in Rufaida's mind as she applied the subtlest shade of pink to her lips, and eyed herself in the mirror. She had made an effort, she looked presentable for the occasion, and she was so proud of herself. Her Nani genuinely liked this proposal, and her mum too seemed keen, she had no reason, then, to not look into it. Only the guy's mum and sister were coming to see her today, and while it was just a small gathering, Rufaida still felt the nerves. She was willingly doing this for the first time, and boy was she nervous.

"They're here, Rufi, are you ready?" She heard her mother's voice inquire, as she stepped inside her bedroom.

"Jee Ammi," Rufaida answered, and found her insides crumbling as her mother's eyes landed on her and turned watery.

"Ammi, please, nothing is fixed yet, stop acting like I'm about to get married tomorrow," she pleaded upon seeing her mother's emotional state. "We don't even know if he's the one for me, Ammi, relax."

"If Allah sent him to our door after all the prayers I've asked, I have a strong feeling that Ali could be the one. Of how much we've heard about him, what a wonderful human he seems."

Taking in a deep breath, and upon realizing that her hopeful mother was getting way ahead of herself, Rufaida reminded, "Please, one step at a time, Ammi."

"Of course, of course," Asma nodded, just as the doorbell signaled the arrival of guests and soon the household burst with chatter and laughter.

Ali's relatives were decent and well mannered, and Rufaida found it easy to converse with them. It didn't feel the way she'd expected to, talks with them were light and flowed without having to force words or topics. Rufaida was at ease, she didn't have to put up a formal image in front of them, and while she knew this was a positive sign, a part of her felt like it wasn't complete. She didn't know what the missing piece was, but she was searching for something she wasn't sure herself.

However, brushing aside the thought, Rufaida tried to stay optimistic about the entire exchange. So, even as the guests left and her Nani and mother spoke highly and enthusiastically of the little meeting, making plans for the future and hoping they'd actually turn true as they waited for a response from Ali's family, Rufaida smiled her way through it.

She wasn't entirely sure how and why things were happening this way, but she had recently promised to let Allah handle her affairs without ever doubting Him, and so, that's exactly what she did...

***

Rufaida walked through the gates of Zaika, her thoughts immersed in everything that had transpired the day before. Her mum was waiting for a response from Ali, hoping matters would escalate post their first encounter, and Rufaida tried to wrap her mind around the events that were taking place. Where did she stand in all of this, if the family approached them with a positive response, what would be her take on this? Would she go ahead and meet Ali, and then declare her verdict? Was she prepared to proclaim a yes already? Is it all that it would take, all these years of harboring the demons, could she slay them so effortlessly, in one go?

Submerged in her musings, Rufaida glanced at her watch, and upon realizing she still had a few minutes for the official hours to begin, she sat in the outdoor garden to unwind. One of the staff members walked by her, and halted and signed to her, asking about her well-being, and she smiled in return and moved her hands to sign back that she was doing good. These were the little greetings that she had picked up in sign language, and as the person walked inside to take charge of his chores, Rufaida found her thoughts travel to the Boss of Zaika, and what a wonderful human he was to give such meaningful opportunities to people with special needs.

Rufaida shut her eyes close when the picture her mind had just flashed registered to her, and she grew frustrated. Her morning had just begun and it was too early for her to be spending her thoughts on Ahmed. But the more she got to know him through his work, the more she found her respect for him grow, and the more space he started occupying in her mind. He was a visionary, he dreamt of the moon and wouldn't settle for the stars, he was so focussed, so kind... and so not the right person to be thinking about, she chided herself.

Realizing she didn't want to start Monday in this mood, she walked to her counter, focusing on work instead. It wasn't long before Jamie walked in, and the usually chirpy girl seemed grumpy.

"Good morning," Rufaida greeted.

"There's nothing good about a Monday morning, Rufs," she grumbled instead.

"Is there any specific reason for this temper?" Rufaida smiled, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

Sighing, Jamie ranted, "You know dieting is not my thing, right? I've accepted my curves just the way they are. But I recently had the urge to get healthy and shed some pounds, told everyone at home that I was cutting down on oil and sugar, trying to eat clean. So I walk into the kitchen today and guess what's for breakfast? Deep fried pooris, can you believe that? I told my mum to omit the oil in my rotis and she actually served me pooris. How can anyone diet in a brown household is beyond me, we use more oil than Saudi Arabia."

Chuckling at her condition, Rufaida was just about to offer her sympathies but apparently, Jamie wasn't done yet. "And then, my boyfriend is another douche, I texted him last night and he dared to leave me on seen for so many hours, he hasn't replied yet. Relationships are a scam, it starts with them calling you their Cinderella and then they turn you into a SEENderella."

"You're on a roll," Rufaida admitted, "The frustrated you talks hilariously; you should consider becoming a stand-up comedian."

"Nice idea," she grinned. "Life's already made a joke of me, might as well use it to earn money and fame."

"It's just the beginning of the day, I hope it gets better for you Jamie," Rufaida prayed, earning an 'Amen' from her friend.

The next few hours flew, and Jamie got busy for the rest of the day fulfilling a bulk order that Zaika had obtained, while Rufaida prepared the new dish she had spent the past few days planning. She had just finished with the meeting with the head chef and made note of all suggestions for the enhancement of the tortillas when a familiar face peeked in.

"Assalamu alaikum."

Looking up, Rufaida's lips morphed into a pleasant smile. "Wa alaikum as salam, Afreen, how have you been?"

"Alhamdulilah, I'm good. It's lunch time, isn't it? Can we have our meal together?" Afreen suggested instantly, wasting no time.

Smiling at the request, Rufaida nodded and grabbing her tiffin, both walked to the garden outside.

"Fariha didn't come along with you?" Rufaida enquired, spooning the rice as Afreen thought of a way to say aloud her thoughts without divulging the details.

"She's at her Nani's place, she's leaving to Singapore next week with her parents for summer holidays, so her grandmum, who happens to be my Aunt too, wanted Fari to spend some time with her."

"Nice," Rufaida nodded, and allowed a few minutes of silence to cloak them in its warmth. Unknown to her, the silence she thought would bring with it a sense of calmness was a chance for Afreen to collect her thoughts, to broach a subject that could make or break her brother's heart.

The situation was dysfunctional, but the plan the twins had structured was rather simple. Afreen was experienced in this matter, what with the past events, and she was a mastermind behind the sketch. She was going to help figure out if Rufaida was on board, and if she was, they were going to target different family members. First, they would speak to Raiyyan and Tammara, and then move on to getting Ibrahim in their team. They hoped the reluctance that Zainab would put forth when she discovered this little scheme wouldn't be as bad if other family members pitched in on Ahmed's behalf. The map was solid, but they were prepared for detours. Afreen and Ahmed were familiar with life's twists, and they knew it wasn't going to be a cakewalk, but both were holding on to the belief that in sha Allah, it would be worth it.

But to execute all of this, Rufaida really needed to be on their side. Ahmed was willing to go to war for a girl who was so clueless she had a soldier rooting for her.

Afreen made further small talk, before, wisely yet casually, she started, "I have to hurry up. Mamma sent me here so I could get Ahmed home with me before 5 in the evening."

"I see," Rufaida nodded, and it riled Afreen that she wasn't curious to know the details. She had observed it in their previous conversations too, every time she raised a topic with Ahmed in it, Rufaida would zip her lips, never prodding, never questioning.

Knowing well that she would have to continue talking, Afreen carried on. "Mamma is very serious about getting him married, not like she isn't serious about me, but we have a kitty party at home this evening and she wants him to meet her friend's daughter. Ahmed reminds me of you, because he's been refusing proposals," Afreen added the last part in a lighter tone, so Rufaida wouldn't think she's deranged to suddenly make Ahmed the theme for their conversation.

"I'm no more like that, Afreen," Rufaida informed. "I've left my previous self behind and am open towards proposals."

"Really? And what is it that you are looking for in a guy? Share your thoughts with me so I can add to my list too when I go looking for a prospective," Afreen prodded effortlessly.

Her eyebrows slightly scrunched at the question, Rufaida didn't know how to reply to that. "My expectations are minimalistic, Afreen. He needs to be a good human, possess a clean heart and be amongst those whom Allah loves and who loves Allah in return. If he's close to a ten on the deen aspect, earns a decent halal livelihood, it's sorted."

Afreen smiled at the description, and said, "You know something, Rufaida, what you just listed are exactly the characteristics my brother is looking for in a wife. Mamma is showing him all these girls from our strata of the society, and he's not going ahead with any because he is so particular about the deen part. I never thought you and Ahmed would turn out to be so alike in your thoughts and opinions."

Rufaida pursed her lips and nodded, uncomfortable about being compared to Ahmed in the given context. What was Afreen upto? She was beginning to have her doubts.

But clearing the air, Afreen said something Rufaida least expected.

"I'm being completely straightforward here, Rufaida, and given the relationship we share, I hope you don't mind me saying this. I've known you for a long time now, and obviously Ahmed's my twin and I know him very well. I believe you two will make a good pair. The logistics and drama that will arise from such a decision may not add up to our goal, but we can work it out. Rufi, Ahmed has no clue about it and before you think anything, let me tell you he doesn't know I'm having such a conversation with you. But I don't believe in running in circles, and I'm here with a simple question. I bring my brother's proposal to you, would you spend the rest of your life with Ahmed?"

The silence that followed was deafening, Rufaida's heart bursting in her chest, her hands sweaty and clammy. She had felt a multitude of emotions when the day had begun, but right now, it seemed like every emotion that ever existed had seeped through her, leaving her blank. She felt like the pages of a new book, absolutely white, spotless, and bare. If it reached the hand of a writer, in her would be written a story worth telling, and if a little childish boy got hold of her, he would scribble and leave her torn.

And somehow, Rufaida's fate would be decided by what she proclaimed next. Would she choose to become a tale that brimmed with life and hope, or was she destined to harbor in her unfinished strokes?